The Beautiful Witch

What doesn't kill you

2011-02-11T21:17:00.000-08:00

Swift on the wing

2011-02-10T05:21:00.000-08:00

May your journey be swift on the wing, my love, and may you find in the next world the people who loved you in this one.

Wait for me. I will come for you. Always.

Advantage, no one

2011-02-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

Closer to a novel...

2011-02-02T20:48:00.000-08:00

It is gratifying to read my last post in August 2010 and know that the book is much further along now than it was then. I spend several hours a day, often seven days a week immersed in the novel and it sometimes feels like I'm in a casino - there are no clocks, no windows and no way to know exactly where I am because it all looks the same. For those hours there is no life outside my book and my characters.

This morning I drank coffee and and line edited/re-wrote/read. I completed only six pages in two hours. It is like moving through treacle towards a distant shore I know is there but I can't see it through the sugar fog.

Faith carries me through. Not faith in God, or even in a higher power. I've been too betrayed to ever relax in the embrace of the Almighty. This is a faith that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be and where I'm going is where I need to be. I must believe this or the treacle turns hard and I am stuck, bewildered and bewitched.

The last three nights I have dreamed of losing things or having them stolen. Last night it was my Ipod. I managed to get it back from the girl who took it. A few nights ago it was my purse and I found it again, although all my money was gone.

I have tinnitus and I've had ringing in my eyes for almost a year now. It varies in intensity. Sometimes it is quiet, other times it is exhausting in volume and duration. I wake up in the night to the high pitched ringing, fear quickly following the thought that it may never go away. That there is no end. I hate it. I hate that I have this and there is no reason for it. It hounds me like a curse, never letting up, only diminishing to return later at full strength. Lately I've had the insane thought that it might go away if I start playing the piano again.

I must write now. I must keep moving through the treacle so I don't drown and wind up dead on the bank, my lungs full of syrup and my ears deaf.

Sunday Scribblings: Half way to a novel

2010-08-09T23:26:00.001-07:00

Actually, I'd like to believe I'm more than halfway to my novel. Maybe two thirds of the way. But not three quarters.

I've discovered that novel writing is a deceptive sort of business. I thought I was almost done a few months ago, and I was wrong. Almost. It's a funny word. You stretch it and stretch it and stretch it and then it snaps like a rubber band and you realise no, you're not almost done. You're just not done. Almost is a lie then, a word to make me feel closer to completion than I actually am. Sometimes I need those lies so I keep going.

322 pages in Word. Currently on the fourth draft. Currently rewriting the major subplot. Always more to do, more to fix in my quest to make it better, make it all it can be so I'm all I can be when I start looking for an agent and a publisher. I need to know the novel is the best I can make it. I can't get impatient and put it out before it's done. No premature birth here. The novel must be able to stand on its own, breathe on its own and it must be independent of me if someone else is to believe it.

A very small part of me thinks I should appreciate this time of almost, this time of half way. It's the journey, not the destination the old cliche screams. But enough is enough. Half way is not all the way. Almost is not done.

The end is coming and I will welcome it with open arms.

Sunday Salon: A bit late...Black Jack; The Dead Travel Fast and Ink Exchange

2010-08-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

The last time I contributed to the Sunday Salon was in March, so depending on how you look at it, I am either late for posting this Sunday just past or very late for not posting since March!

Black Jack by Lora Leigh

Let me say this first : I try not to be hard on books. I'm writing one and I can only imagine how terrible it will feel should I finally get published to read someone savaging the work I've poured my heart and soul into. But sometimes, a book is so bad it needs a warning label like DO NOT READ. This is one of those times.

Black Jack is one of the poorest books I've ever read. The character development is shallow, the plot is ludicrous, it's bloated by about 200 pages and there is a complete lack of interesting antagonists or hell, interesting characters in general. To be fair, Black Jack is pretty much erotic fiction and I know they're not usually books that have great plots. No one watches porn movies for great acting and story lines and no one reads erotic or romance fiction for the well developed characters and multi-layered plots. But really, this was crap by even a very low standard, mostly because it tries to dress itself up as more than it is, and fails miserably.

Here's the plot: Lillie Belle is from an upper class English background and was supposedly killed in a car accident with her MI5 agent father a number of years ago. Since then she is "Night Hawk", a deep undercover agent hired out as a bodyguard to very bad men, masquerading as a prostitute as a "cover." She's a virgin (of course) until she spends the night with "Black Jack" who has a similar tale of undercover woe. Then she loses her memory in an accident and spends the rest of the 400+ pages wringing her hands and not remembering, even though she has great "instincts" and can remember where her safe house is and her sniper rifle is (she's the best shot in the world, you know).

Where to start with how stupid this all is? We spend the entire book waiting for Lillie to remember her life and get away from the family member trying to kill her...for the third, then the fourth, then the fifth time. Interspersed are tepid but explicit sex scenes that seem ridiculous and boring, probably because the characters are in love with each other based on nothing we can see or understand. We don't even know who they are, let alone what makes them want each other. Honestly, I don't even know how I finished this book.

Lora Leigh is obviously not English - her characters read like Americans and should have been Americans and not uppercrust Brits. Don't even get me started on her cardboard English characters such as Lillie's bitchy elitist mother and her brother who works with the Queen (words fail me as to how dumb this is). She even makes reference to Lillie knowing the Queen Mother like she's still alive (she died quite some time ago). Given that the book was only published this year, I assume this is an old work that hasn't been updated prior to being published and re-packaged. Maybe the warning for this book should read "Old author's work published to make an extra buck and stunning in its utter mediocrity."

The Dead Travel Fast by Deanna Raybourn

I'm a huge fan of Deanna Raybourn's Lady Julia Grey mystery series, so when I saw this stand alone book at my favourite local bookstore I was excited. The excitement lasted for a couple of chapters when for whatever reason - I'll get to that in a second - I stalled, stopped reading and put the book back on the shelf. When it came time for my recent overseas trip, I packed it, deciding to start from the beginning again. I did, I stalled yet again a couple more chapters in than the first time. I picked it up again last week and managed to get all the way through to the end. Despite all of that, this really isn't a bad book.

So what was with all the stalling on my part? The Dead Travel Fast purports itself to be a vampire book. In fact the very title is taken from Dracula, the most epic of all vampire novels (no matter what those crazy Twlight people might tell you). Things to know about me: I don't really like books about vampires. Werewolves, witches, magic wielders, supernatural powers = awesome. Vampires = not so much. I mean at the end of the day vampires are undead, they want to suck our blood and they're immortal. Everywhere that concept can be taken, it has been taken, at least to the level of my interest.

Raybourn writes beautifully - her attention to detail, her ability to describe a room, a view, a person is near flawless. This is something I struggle with as a writer so I admire it all the more in others. So perhaps it was Theodora, the protagonist, that I didn't really warm to. She wasn't horrible or cold or anything, she was just a bit bland and a bit filled with her own self importance as a serious "novelist". I also thought the lack of antagonist was irritating - there were some hints about the Count and some murmurs about the rest of the family but nothing really came to fruition until the last 20 pages when it turned out all was not as it seemed.

*little bit spoiler-ish*

And by that, I mean it turns out there may not be any vampires or anything of the supernatural after all, which leave certain events unexplained and unable to be reconciled with the rest of the book.

*end of possible spoiler*

This is a decent book, possibly more than decent if you're a vampire fan but, I can't say I enjoyed it as much as the Lady Julia Grey series.

Ink Exchange by Melissa Marr

This is the second book in Marr's Wicked Lovely series. The first was all about Aislinn and Keenan, the Summer King and Queen and this one is about Aislinn's friend, Leslie, who manages to get caught up in the world of faery when she chooses to have a tattoo inked on her skin that ties her to the King of the Dark Court, Irial. Toss in a compelling attraction between Leslie and another faery, Niall, and you have the makings of a good, dark book.

There is a growing movement in YA fiction towards stark, gritty realism whether it be in the form of death, eating disorders or abuse. This book frames Leslie as someone who survived a gang rape sanctioned by her drug dealer brother. This isn't a key feature of the book and is never explored in detail (thank goodness) but that event informs all of Leslie's decisions and goes some way towards understanding why she makes the decisions she does.

Leslie's destruction at the hands of the Dark Court is hard to watch and while she manages to come out of it towards the end, her journey isn't a pleasant one, even as it makes for compelling reading.

There are some plot issues in this book - a major twist is casually dropped into character exposition when so much more could have been made of it; a few plots go nowhere (this is probably because this book is part of a series) and there is no real resolution for Leslie who moves into a sort of holding pattern, returning to a mortal life while the faeries who love her bide their time in the shadows.

I enjoy Marr's writing and I'll read the next two books in the series but I'll borrow them from the library rather than buy them.

Currently reading: Forbidden Fantasy by Cheryl Holt

Neglected

2010-06-19T06:30:00.001-07:00

52 Sources of Inspiration

2010-04-30T06:55:00.000-07:00

1. Journal writing
2. My puppies
3. Rainbow coloured beads in a glass jar
4. The smell of rain on asphalt
5. A really good night's sleep
6. A new gel pen
7. Dreams
8. Stationary stores
9. Payday
10. Time off from work
11. Photography
12. Other people's blogs
13. Art supplies
14. Painting
15. Cupcakes
16. Rainy days and warm blankets
17. Trip planning
18. New books arriving in the mail
19. My Ipod on shuffle setting
20. My favourite podcasts
21. Bright coloured summer dresses
22. Post it notes
23. Ribbons attached to USB drives
24. Ponytails
25. The smell of soil and freshly mowed grass
26. Warm pasta in my tummy
27. Bubble baths
28. L'Occitane products
29. A really good book
30. A really good guidebook to writing
31. Sedona, Arizona
32. New pyjamas from Frankie and Johnny
33. A long and laughter filled conversation with a friend over a good meal
34. Water, and lots of it
35. Swimming
36. A trip to the library
37. Taking my laptop to Dome after work and writing for an hour or two with a skinny cap
38. Reading books I wish I had written myself and learning from them
39. Hearing people talk with passion about what it is they want to do or are doing with their lives
40. Chalk an chalk boards, whiteboard markers and whiteboards, paints and canvas
41. The colours green and sky blue
42. Connections to my past - to family members gone, friends departed and the knowledge that I'm always moving forward and becoming a better person
43. Sleep ins on a Saturday morning
44. Perspective
45. Venice, Italy; Isle of Cumbrae, Scotland
46. Museums and galleries
47. Workshops and classes and the people I meet in them
48. People are watching, supporting and loving me, even if they can't be with me in this world
49. Money in the bank
50. Coffee
51. The beach - it calls to me like a siren
52. The knowledge that I'm already here

Exercise suggested from 52 Projects: Random Acts of Everyday Creativity

A day like no other

2010-04-26T05:18:00.001-07:00

I woke up early this morning, anxious and fearful.

I decided there was nothing else to do but make today a day like no other.

All of my mornings start with these two faces.

Some mornings start with pancakes.

I wrote in my journal for an hour non stop, that's it in the bottom of the photo.
Then I watched an episode on the net of 16 and Pregnant.

I went to MILKD. I never go here. I go across the street, sit at the same table in the same cafe with the same waitress. Today I went inside the trendy cafe.

I drank my skinny cap and marked assessments.
First self portrait. It's bad, but that's okay. I never take self portraits and rarely post photos of myself on my blog.

On a whim, I decided to get on the train to Fremantle.

I went to

And ate...

a yummy cheeseburger. That's my first Vonnegut on the left. I bought it in the second hand store a little bit down from Soho.

Second self portrait of the day - in the bathroom of Soho. Not much better than the first.
Then I wandered about a bit, window shopping.
Then I got on the train, where the view out the window looked like this:

Ocean, ocean, ocean.

When I got back to my stop I went here

Where the roof looks like this:

And I drank a chai latte and did more marking.

I was pretty over it at this point, so I went home and watched more episodes of 16 and Pregnant, almost blowing my monthly internet allowance 10 days shy of the next allowance and did more marking.

It truly was a day like no other.
I took risks.
Forced myself to do things I'd rather not do.
Looked at the place I live through the lens of my camera.
Got lots of assessments marked.
Found Kurt Vonnegut.

Survived another day.

Where does the wind blow?

2010-04-16T06:23:00.001-07:00

Fate's Gate, New Zealand

The edits on the novel are kicking my ass.

I don't want to go back to work next week. To my students with their eager questions and clever comments.

Mollie Moo's ear is better. She whines when I put the ear drops in. There is nothing aggressive inside of her. She won't believe I would hurt her on purpose, so she cries to make me understand she's sad. No one loves me as totally as Mollie Moo does. I am imperfectly perfect to her. Thank God I found her.

I'm selling some witchy books on Ebay. Some I have outgrown, others I've never read. I don't care about making money, just about moving them on to good homes.

I made it through a couple of books from the Clear Away The Clutter Read-a-thon. Not as many as I would have liked, but I made a start. Fallen was lovely, Vampire Academy was sassy. It's good to immerse myself in fiction when I'm writing. I don't understand writers who don't read when they're writing. How do they stand it?

I'm watching the Sarah Connor Chronicles, season two. I'm into it, but man is it depressing.

Where does the wind blow? The wind blows to predestination, my darling. You can see it from Fate's Gate.

Sunday Salon: Hush Hush; The Writer's Mentor

2010-03-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

I've been absent from Sunday Salon - and from this blog in general - for a long time.

I'm back.

Hush Hush

That has to be one of the most amazing book covers I've ever seen. However, it is also the cause of the major problem I had with the book. First things first - I liked this story. It was extremely easy to read, Nora is a generally likable character, Patch is a classic bad-boy-come-good-but-still-oh-so-bad-where-it-counts, and there are some good moments of tension between the two main characters.

The Major Problem: The cover gives it all away - Patch is a fallen angel. We can SEE that before we even start reading and yet nothing is actually said about fallen angels until about two thirds into the book. That's a very looooong time to wait for a pay off.

There are some minor problems too - Nora is obsessed with Patch in an almost Bella-Edward kind of way. The parallels between Hush Hush and Twilight are easy to see - *spoiler* Patch wants to kill Nora for most of the book because the only way for him to become human is to sacrifice her. He changes his mind when he falls in love with her, of course, but not before he's almost killed her on a roller coaster and thought about stabbing her with a kitchen knife. *end spoiler* Readers of Twilight might like that sort of obsession and love/hate kill/live stuff but grown up feminists like myself find it all sits a bit awkwardly to say the least.

There is a sequel - Crescendo - due out in November 2010. I'll probably read it but like the copy of Hush Hush I read, it is strictly borrowing from the library material. With all of the above in mind though, I'd recommend it.

I borrowed this book from the local library. These days I tend to request books on my To Be Read list more than I browse around looking for likely suspects to fall off the shelves and into my hands. But that's exactly what The Writer's Mentor did. I was looking for a different book (which wasn't there) and found this one. I'm really enjoying it, hence my last two blog posts being quotes from this book. I've read a lot of books about writing in the last few years - some are excellent, some are okay and some are not so great. I burned out on hearing advice about writing six months or so ago and just got stuck into the writing. Now I'm coming out of that phase and moving into editing I'm looking for some guidance.

Ian Jackman is providing that guidance. This isn't a deep book on how to plot or build character or edit. It is a book of advice from authors intended for other authors on a wide range of topics such as inspiration, style, time and space, audience and form. I'm almost half way through and I've found some great quotes that have really helped me with my edits!

Finally, I've just started Frostbitten, the fourth book in Kelley Armstrong's Elena Michaels series. I have to be done with it by Thursday so I can start on my Clear Away the Clutter Read-a-Thon, so we'll see how it goes.

Happy Sunday!

The Writer's Mentor - Ann Douglas, Caroline Joy Adams, Elizabeth Bowen

2010-03-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

"[Hemingway] understood...that what the writer knows but omits will show up in what he writes as a sense of unstated depth that is more powerful than any attempt to describe the indescribable can be. Good prose, Hemingway insisted again and again, must be like an iceberg, seven-eighths submerged; like dynamite packed under a bridge..."

- Ann Douglas

This idea speaks to me as I struggle to express my character's thoughts. My mind screams SHOW, DON'T TELL but perhaps equally powerful is that which I do not tell or show, that which hovers in the background. I should also give Hemingway another go - I've only ever read The Old Man and the Sea and that was a long time ago.

"Sensory details are critical to powerful writing because they can set a mood; evoke a huge array of feelings; trigger memories for both your character or your readers; and draw them into believing that they are right there, in that scene, in that moment, inside your character's mind."

- Caroline Joy Adams

I want so much for people to be inside October's mind, to feel what she feels and see what she sees. It is my greatest hope for my work.

"One cannot 'make' characters, only marionettes. The manipulated movement of the marionette is not the 'action' necessary for plot. Characterless action is not action at all, in the plot sense. It is the indivisibility of the act from the actor, and the inevitability of that act on the part of that actor, that gives action verisimilitude*. Without that, action is without force or reason. Forceless, reasonless action disrupts plot. The term 'creation of character' is misleading. Characters pre-exist. They are found. They reveal themselves slowly to the novelists perception - as might fellow traveler's seated opposite one in a very dimply-lit railway carriage."

- Elizabeth Bowen

*Verisimilitude means giving something the appearance of being true or real. I had to look that one up!

I identify with the comments here about characters and it applies to my setting too. People ask me why I set my novel in Arizona. I didn't - the novel set itself there. It say down and said "here" and I said "Okay, I can work with that."

All quotes are from Ian Jackman's The Writer's Mentor. I'm really enjoying the short pithy chapters with their delicate drops of wisdom. I highly recommend it to anyone in the editing process.

The Writer's Mentor - Peter Straub

2010-03-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

"I don't read much horror, though I like the idea of horror, the idea of a nasty, subversive genre, the purpose of which is to upend conventional ideas of good taste, and to speak truths otherwise ignored or suppressed. I think that's really worthy."

- Peter Straub quoted in Ian Jackman's The Writer's Mentor: Secrets of success from the world's greatest writers. I totally agree with him. It's like the idea of a dirty thought hanging out in a clean mind - deliciously recalcitrant.

Clear Away The Clutter Read-a-Thon

2010-03-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

I've joined the Clear Away the Clutter Read-a-Thon hosted by The Neverending Shelf. I'm excited because it is my first read-a-thon and my first challenge really. I read about these challenges on other people's blogs and think "I'd love to do that!" but for some reason I've never actually committed to taking part. Still, the important thing is I'm here now, ready to join in.

The read-a-thon begins 7am April 5 and ends 11pm April 11. I'm guessing those aren't my local times, but near enough is good enough. Thankfully this is one of the weeks I have a break from work so I fully intend to read, read, read without pesty work getting in the way.

Here is my list of books to be read (so far):

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (I'm halfway through and have stalled)
Swan by Frances Hayes (Again, I'm halfway through and have stalled)
Casino Royale by Ian Fleming (I own all of the James Bond books and haven't read any)
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr (read about a quarter of this a while back but couldn't get into it)
Fallen by Lauren Kate (really excited about this one)
Vampire Academy by Richelle Mean (a re-read to get up to date for the three following books in the series that I own but haven't read)
The Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman (bought on impulse a few weeks ago)

I have no idea if this is too many books or not enough. I'll be happy with any progress though and I know I can power through books easily when I focus. I've taken the advice of The Neverending Shelf and chosen a combination of longer books with a few shorter ones thrown in.

Can't wait to get started!

Where my best impulses have taken me

2010-01-26T05:38:00.001-08:00

My Mondo Beyondo lesson for the day asks me where my best impulses have taken me.

My best impulses have taken me around the world. I have inhabited strange cities, built a life myself in a foreign country, met people who invite me to places like Jamaica to finish writing my book and actually mean it, walked under the Italian sun, found constellations in the roof of a cave, walked the path of the samurai, felt insignificant next to several of the wonders of the world and knitted my own self into the fabric of manyplaces and many different people.

My best impulses saw me sign up for a writing and yoga retreat in Guatemala. I was so sorry after I had paid for the retreat. If I could have canceled I would have. I was overwhelmed with strangeness, with change. I didn't think I could fly to Guatemala and find my way to the retreat. I did, and it was one of those decisions that just made sense. It led me to my writing self, which led me to October.

My best impulses (with help from a friend's sage advice) saw me refuse yet another corporate, soul draining job and accept a position much less secure which has supported me extremely well as I write. I remember wishing fervently that I could find a job that paid me enough to earn the sort of money I earned in a full time job but only work part time. I thought it was an impossible dream, but it is my reality now.

My best impulses put me on a plane headed for someone who is a very dear friend now. I trusted when there was no promise of anything, and though it took some years, I see how grace caught me. I see her hands on me. I see her guiding me.

It's more than I've believed in for a very long time. And my best impulses say it is enough.

Mondo Beyondo Energizers

2010-01-20T16:14:00.000-08:00

I'm working through the Mondo Beyondo e-course with Jen Lemen and Andrea Scher.

Today it is time to list my natural energizers, the things that I always enjoy doing and the things that give me a lift in my day and a spring in my step. I decided to create a photo post for this one, and all of the images except the photos of Hopie and Mollie are taken from Google Images.

1. Dancing

2. Cleaning up

3. Writing

4. Reading

5. Yoga

6. Art and craft

7. Singing

8. Hopie and Mollie

9. The beach

Raw Self Portraits

2009-12-06T05:40:00.001-08:00

I rarely take pictures of myself. Probably because like most women I just don't think I'm pretty enough. Too fat, too tall, too awkward, too [insert crappy adjective here]. But I want to change that. I want to learn to love myself from the camera's point of view. I also want to spend more time with my photography which I've been neglecting for some time now.

Could 2010 be the year of the self portrait? Maybe so.

Preparing for NaNoWriMo

2009-10-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

November means one thing and one thing only...it's NaNoWriMo time!

For the uninitiated NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. Held every November, writers from all over the world pledge to write 50,000 words in one month. The idea is to write a complete novel from start to finish. At an average of 1666 words a day, it's more about quantity than quality but it is a LOT of fun.

Last year I was a bit naughty and continued on with my in progress novel and it got a huge shot in the arm, even if probably only 20,000 of those words made it to the novel (which is in the drafting and editing stage right now). This year I'm starting something knew which I have tentatively entitled Gods and Jukeboxes. Yeah, I know, pretty random title. I only have the briefest of ideas and I really just want to see what bats fly out of my attic. Could be something, could be nothing.

I'm joining Andrea's NaNoWriMo group at her blog A Cat of Impossible Colour as well as linking in with Perth based NaNo groups for write ins and general companionship in the writing process which can be a bit solitary.

So here's to you November 2009 - at your end I hope I have 50,000 words of something!

I am so glad that work no longer makes me feel like this

2009-10-06T16:32:00.001-07:00

Sadly I can't find the author of this cartoon

I used to feel this way about work. It was soul destroying and miserable for me to get up five days a week and go to a job I didn't enjoy. I was always planning for the next job, the next holiday. Anything to get me out of the daily grind.

I had a choice to make about 3 or so months back. I was offered a full time permanent job with a government agency (which makes it seriously permanent) or casual work as a Lecturer. I was very tempted to take the full time job. It had Security. It had a guaranteed income. And as I'd been happily out of work for 6 months that sounded mighty attractive. What if I took the casual job and it didn't last? What if the hours weren't enough? It was a dilemma.

The easy choice would have been the full time job. I know what it is to live that life - making good money, hating my job, dreading Sunday night because it precedes Monday, planning holidays I can't afford to pay for up front, thus resulting in work not being an option, but a necessity to pay credit card bills.

I made the other choice. I chose the casual yet uncertain work. And I have seriously never been happier with my work situation. The job teaching is fine - it isn't boring and there are parts of it I really like. The money is good enough that I make only slightly less working 12 hours a week than I did working 38. There is lots of time for me to write and several days off where I can do my thing.

It is probably the best decision I've made in a long time and it has made a lot of difference to my quality of life. It took some bravery to get there, but I am glad I took that leap.

The Joy Diet: Truth in Dance

2009-10-02T02:35:00.000-07:00

I have had my moments of stillness this week.

Several times I sat quietly and tried to distance myself from my thoughts, to let them roll over me like wave after wave of rushing, noisy water. It was hard, very hard. I was gentle with myself about this. I am not experienced at meditation and to expect 15 minutes of perfect stillness straight away is not realistic for me.

I also tried other forms of stillness - one was dancing. Now technically dancing doesn't sound like stillness, but while my body is dancing my mind has no room to think. I'm with the music, I'm with my body, I'm in that moment. And that is the essence of stillness I think.

After dancing I wrote down the follow words in response to the truth question:

What do I feel?

Unbound
Passionate
Buzzy
Brave
Able to do anything
Fluid
Happy

I love to dance but I simply don't do it anymore. I'm heavier than I was in highschool when I'd come home to an empty house, put on my dancing clothes, turn up the CD player (it was new technology then. Ha!) and dance, dance, dance. I just loved the way it made me feel.

Then I grew up a bit more, went to university and I stopped making time to dance. Now, 15 years later, I almost never dance. Part of it is that I can ignore the heaviness of my body if I don't move it a lot. Those extra 30 pounds or so are barely noticeable if I hide from my body. That's sad, isn't it?

What hurts?
No longer dancing.

What is the painful story I'm telling?
I no longer dance because I'm too fat and too frightened to feel that.

Can I be sure my painful story is true?
It isn't. My dancing today proved that. I can still enjoy dancing.

Is my painful story working?
Well, it was. :) Now, not so much.

Can I think of another story that might work better?
I can dance whenever I like, whenever I want to feel free and fluid and passionate. There is nothing holding me back.

I really enjoyed Truth this week. I'm going to keep telling myself these truths and keep trying to get to the bottom of the stories I'm telling myself, which ones are working and which ones are holding me back.

I also want to consider this question more often:

Of the options open to me, which one brings the most love into the world?

Excuse me, I'm going to dance right now!

I also wrote an additional post this week entitled The Joy Diet: Truth in Failure

The Joy Diet: Truth in Failure

2009-10-01T02:23:00.000-07:00

After my almost 15 minutes of stillness - this time lying down and trying to empty my mind - I ask the question Martha Beck poses - what am I feeling? The answer is failure.

Not so much failure at stillness (although I still find it to be very difficult to empty my mind and this has been the reason why meditation has never "stuck" as a practice for me) but just a sense of not being good enough, not knowing enough, not offering enough.

What hurts?
My heart, my losses and disappointments.

What is the painful story I am telling?
I am not good enough, nor will I ever be good enough. I have failed to complete tasks, failed to undertake tasks. My body has failed me, and I have failed it. I have disappointed people. There is no compassion for me, I am undeserving of that which I extend to others.

Can I be sure my painful story is true?
My painful story is equal parts truth and lie. I am not perfect (of course I'm not!) but I'm not a scumbag either. I have made mistakes, but they have mostly turned out for the best. What I see as failure is probably equal parts failure and success. All these so called failures have led me to this point, this moment and I am not unhappy with my life or my choices.

Is my painful story working?
Well, it is preventing me from embracing things that have happened to me in the past. It is restricting my vision of events with the sole heading of FAILURE. So no, I don't think I'm doing myself any favours.

Can I think of another story that might work better?
Oh yes. I am good enough and I have always been good enough. I have had many successes in life and I hold few regrets. The box labeled FAIL is not where I want to put events of my past, present or future. It restricts them - and me - and offers only the ugly sad side of things instead of the complex journey, the good parts of the bad parts, the learning and the understanding. I offer compassion to those ugly bits and I want to look harder and pick out the good stuff.

Here and Now

2009-09-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

I am watching Firefly and appreciating its unique vision and compelling story.

I am reading Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr. I've only just started, but I love stories about the dark world of faery.

I am eating cupcakes with pink icing. I made them for the dinner my Mum and I had last night for my Aunt and Uncle. Yum!

I am wishing I was in Japan. It seems to be everywhere at the moment - in books, newspapers, on television, in my memories.

I am writing and it is going well. October's story is starting to take a definite shape and I know her world as well as I do my own.

I can't wait for the world to meet her.

Art in Progress

2009-09-28T00:30:00.000-07:00

I don't pretend to be a great artist.

I do not think I am gifted at art, or have any particular aptitude for painting or drawing.

I'm an imperfect artist, because my art comes from me, from who I am, from my imperfect self. I paint because I enjoy it. I like putting the paint on the canvas and swirling it about. I like mixing media and trying things out. I like art journaling and paper cutting and creating little wooden dolls. I like clay and glue and stickers.

Creating brings me joy, and the end result of whatever I create is less important than what it took to get there. It took me a long time to understand that. I'm a brave artist, perhaps because I don't have natural talent or ability. I have nothing to prove. And all the joy in the world to discover and hold close to my heart.

This is the wrong way up, but I don't know how to flip photos on blogger. It is based on a dream I had about golden bees chasing me through a gate. It's a work in progress, no where near finished. The bees were tricky and I'm not sure I'm completely sold on them, but whatever. I know they're bees, right? *wink*

Oh, I love this page. This is a page in the Moleskin watercolour journal I'm creating for my cousin for her 30th birthday. I love the cherry blossoms here - they're cotton wool!

This is the first page I did in the Moleskin watercolour journal and my first time playing with watercolours. I love it. She's standing in front of a well. I created this after I read that if you are at the bottom of a well and you look up you will always be able to see the stars, no matter what time of day it is.

The Joy Diet: Nothing

2009-09-27T03:18:00.000-07:00

Firstly, here is my vision card for nothing:

My favourite parts are the Japanese writing and the purple elephant. I'm not sure why all of these things evoke the feeling of nothing for me, but I figure that isn't something I need to examine too closely.

I have only just finished the Nothing chapter, so I've really only tried the process of doing "nothing" once, which was today. I haven't had the greatest of luck with previous still meditation so I chose the busy activity, which was cutting out hearts for an art project. It was very steadying, very peaceful just to be in that moment, with those hearts and just let the thoughts come and go. I will definitely be trying more nothing this coming week.

I have the week off from work (yay!) so I'll combine Truth and Nothing and see how it goes. I think I'll be doing a lot of art work this week so we'll see how the themes play out.

Happy Truth week everyone!

Beginning The Joy Diet at Another Chapter

2009-09-18T19:06:00.000-07:00

It is time for a new book at The Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler!

This time around the book is The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life by Martha Beck. Jamie chooses such good books. The first time I got a lot out of Soul Coaching, the second time it was Wreck This Journal, which I enjoyed but didn't really participate in the blogging side of things. I was lucky enough to pick up The Joy Diet from my local library, which is always exciting. I live in Western Australia and I have to say, my state has one of the greatest library systems ever. Every time I want a book (and I want a LOT books from a lot of different interest areas) nine times out of ten it is somewhere in the state and they are happy to loan it out via my library that is 5 minutes down the road. So exciting for bookworm like me!

I'm hoping I'll be able to keep up with The Joy Diet. It's a busy time for me with lecturing, keeping up with my reading and assignments for two external university units (I'm really kicking myself that I signed up for them now...studying always sounds great, but the reality of it leaves something to be desired). But here's hoping!

I look forward to undertaking some projects (the vision cards sound fun!) and getting to know my fellow journeyers. Yay!

Mixed Media Painting: Journey

2009-08-22T01:33:00.000-07:00

I went to a Mixed Media Painting workshop today. It was taught by Emily and I enjoyed learning some mixed media techniques and messing about with paint, glue and stencils.

I used backgrounds from my trip to Japan - maps of Kyoto, pictures of koi, a postcard. I wasn't sure about my choice to involve purple in amongst the oranges and browns, but I like the result. It was more browns and oranges in my head. I'm going to try some of these techniques in my art journaling, and when I can find someone who has Modge Podge in stock, I'll add that to my supplies.

BlissChick Poster

2009-08-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

Just spreading the word from BlissChick. Isn't this poster beautiful?

Sunday Scribblings: New Voice

2009-08-10T00:07:00.001-07:00

San Antonio, Texas through the castle window

I have been thinking about voice lately. I read a number of blogs on a semi-regular basis and it seems like few of them are having troubles finding their voice lately. Or perhaps I hear their cries as my ears are attuned to these struggles. One blogger wrote openly of her problems finding something to write about. It must be hard to find something to appease the hordes of people who turn up to her blog, their mouths open like hungry baby birds, waiting for her to feed them something, anything.

I must admit that I find that blogger to be an average writer at best. That comment says more about me than it does about her. I don't like her writing style - it feels almost desperate to me, she tries too hard to grab me, her jokes are over worked and her topics bland and out of my experience, borrowed from the numerous tragedies around her. I feel nothing of her voice in her writing. If the words I read on these rare occasions are truly her voice, it seems whiny and petulant and best forgotten.

Another blogger I visit on the same rare basis has always irritated me which is, again, more about me than her. She of the pretty melancholy, the perfect husband, the desperate yearning for a baby and the tragic fertility journey.

So I wonder - are we voiceless without our struggles? Are they really who we are? Or is there something of us that lives and breathes and speaks outside of this journey to find meaning in our lives? I would like to think so. My voice is not my lovely dogs, my struggle with maintaining a healthy weight, the loss of family members, my education or my friends and family. My voice exists outside of all of that, sitting on a wooden stool in a small corner of my soul dressed in a white cotton dress, its hair loose and damp. It smiles sometimes, and cries sometimes. It simply is. It doesn't care about the window dressing of my life, no matter how meaningful or dull or painful it is to me. My voice is my voice and she waits for me to be silent for long enough to hear her speak.

I've been listening a great deal lately. Her voice has been my voice, has helped me discover the main character's voice in my novel. As I painstakingly build a world for my protagonist to live in, I can hear my own voice whisper and giggle and share herself with me. If I write from that part of me - the part that is always new, always fresh and always authentic - I can't imagine how I could ever go wrong.

Squashing Self Doubt

2009-08-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

Takayama, Japan

It's amazing to me how despite our self-doubts, we keep putting ourselves out there. And I want to simply encourage you to keep taking those risks, big and small, in your life and in your art. Taking risks helps squash those pesky self-doubts in a powerful way. Your risks may be trying out a new color, learning a new style, reaching out to a fellow artist, submitting your work to a show, posting your work online, or opening up a shop. Not all our risks will have the results we want, but every risk gives us the inner knowing that we are capable of more than we realize.

- Wisdom from Leah at Creative Every Day

Waking up

2009-06-28T23:48:00.001-07:00

I feel like I am waking up to who I truly am.

The picture above is the completed first draft of my novel.

185 pages and almost 85,000 words.

I still have a long way to go, but at least I am moving.

Creative Therapy - What do I put off doing?

2009-05-11T04:42:00.000-07:00

This is my first time participating in a Creative Therapy prompt. I've been following the blog for a while, but I've let myself be intimidated by the artists that take part. Who am I to take part? I'm not an artist! So go the voices in my head.

This week's prompt is Tell us about something that you always put off doing. Why?

I always put off cleaning up. Always. Certain rooms in my house are in a permanently messy state. I think part of the problem is that I have too much stuff for such a small space. Even when I do put it away, the storage isn't adequate so it bursts out again and I can't be bothered with putting it away and I just give up. I guess the answer to my ongoing battle is to either get more storage or throw out more stuff. Both are good ideas!

Art details: This is my little art journal I got from McCabe at The Dancing Mermaid. I stuck double sided tape on each page and dotted on confetti. I cut the lettering out of gold cardboard and distressed it slightly with sandpaper. I've started using a lot more double sided tape in my journal because glue (and acrylic paint) makes the paper scrunch up.

Compared to the wonderful efforts over at Creative Therapy I know mine isn't much, but I'm proud of myself for just taking part!

Book Review: Pen on Fire by Barbara DeMarco Barrett

2009-04-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

Pen on Fire
Barbara DeMarco Barrett

This book has changed my life. I purchased it in November 2006 when I was living in San Antonio, Texas and it was one of my first purchases in the genre of “writing inspiration.” I started reading and enjoyed the prompts that followed each short chapter and only required 15 minutes spare time. This was my first taste of writing to prompts and I found it useful and productive. Barbara's easy and friendly writing style is relaxed, but well informed and I liked the way she discussed writing concepts and ideas and made suggestions, while mixing in quotes from other authors.

The life changing part came about when I realised that the author of this book hosts a radio show out of the University of California Irvine called “Writers on Writing”. When I returned to Australia I looked up the show on itunes and started downloading. I listen to the podcasts at night when I can’t sleep, when I'm travelling and feeling anxious, and in the car. I’ve read about a dozen books written by authors whose interviews I've listened to on Writers on Writing. Some of them have been WAY out of the genres I usually read in, and I’ve really enjoyed expanding my horizons. More importantly, I feel like I have a greater insight into a book after hearing the author speak about it on the show. I have a list of about another 30 books to read, all recommendations from the show, and I’m looking forward to more. Barbara and her co-host Marie Stone, ask the authors appearing on the show interesting, well informed questions which are both kind and insightful. I have no doubt that both Barbara and Marie have read the books in question and, most importantly, are excited to talk about them with the author.

Occasionally the show focuses on agents and “the business of writing” and thanks to these shows I have a pretty good idea on how to approach an agent and write a query letter, when the time is right and my “fictional novel” (just kidding! This is apparently a mistake made in a lot of query letters to agents) is finished.

I only just finished off this book today, having picked it up off and on for a few years. I have not completed all the exercises and look forward to returning to my favourite pages, picking up my ink, quill and journal and going for it. I doubt Barbara DeMarco Barrett will read this review, but just in case - thanks for changing my writing and reading life Barbara!

Sunday Salon: The Sharper the Knife the Less You Cry, Tithe, For Her Pleasure, How to Become a Famous Writer Before You're Dead

2009-04-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

The Sharper the Knife the Less You Cry: love, laughter and tears at the world’s most famous cooking school
Kathleen Flinn

I wasn’t sure how I was going to go with this memoir of a journalist who spends a year at the “world’s most famous cooking school” Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, but I was surprised at what a quick read it was. Kat’s adventures both in cooking and life through basic, intermediate and superior cuisine and the smattering of French life was compelling enough that I ran through the book in only a couple of sittings. Flinn is a good writer, but I found some of the metaphors between the food she was cooking and her life a bit contrived and trite (love is like a quiche, it has to be cooked at the right temperature and savoured with consideration – these are not Flinn’s words, but she offered up similar cringe worthy metaphors) and I really did get sick of how hearing about how wonderful her husband is. Flinn includes a lot of recipes in the book, but I have to say that French haute cuisine is not for me and I wasn’t tempted to try any of them. However, I did enjoy the book and I loved how Kat took a bad situation where she was retrenched from her job and turned it into the experience of a lifetime, the fulfilment of a long held dream and a completely new pathway in life. Leap and the net will appear!

For Her Pleasure
Maya Banks

Maya Banks writes erotic fiction and does an okay job of it. I was a bit surprised to find this book in my state library system, especially as it is classified under “group sex” (weirdly there are three such titles in the group sex classification. I’m all for a diverse library, but this surprises me). This book is divided into two unequal parts. Most of the book focuses on Kit, Ryder and Mac. They all grew up together in the same small town in Texas and years later they become involved in a threesome love affair which is strictly male on female action. The storyline takes some windy pathways around Kit’s rape, the complications of loving two men and in the second part, the three of them are involved with an undercover Texas Ranger and his fake stripper girlfriend Mia. Kat is a whiny character and I didn’t warm to her at all. Mac was basically all tough, but soft when it came to Kit and pretty much obsessed by her to the point of BORING. Ryder, the Texas Ranger (whose name I’ve forgotten…Jack maybe?) and Mia are the characters who are developed the best. Ultimately, the sex scenes were hot (although if Kit had been tied up, beaten and raped, I doubt her favourite fantasy six months after the fact would be to be tied up), the storyline was so-so and the ending utterly predictable. But, if you read erotic fiction for the storyline, that’s pretty much the same as reading Playboy for the articles.

Ironside
Holly Black

Ironside is the sequal to “Tithe” and unlike Black’s well known “Spiderwick Chronicles” (which I haven’t read) series, Tithe and Ironside are very much for young adult readers and contain adult themes and fairly strong language. I re-read Tithe last week to prepare myself for Ironside and I’m very glad I did. Kaye and Roiben’s world is detailed and involved and I needed the refresher.

After the events of Tithe, Kaye, who is coming to terms with being a pixie and not the ordinary 16 year old girl she thought she was and Roiben, who is (do not read on if you haven’t read Tithe as it is a SPOILER!) now King of the Unseelie Court, are trying to work out their relationship. Kaye makes a rash declaration and must undertake what appears to be a hopeless quest in order to be seen by the court as fit to be Roiben’s consort. Interwoven with this quest is Kaye forming a new identity and coming to terms with how the new Kaye fits into an old life that was never really hers to begin with.

In between Tithe and Ironside Holly Black wrote “Valiant” which is set in the same universe but shares the same characters in only the briefest of ways. Some of the characters from Valiant (one in particular) play a big role in Ironside and I enjoyed the overlap.

The biggest bummer for me with Ironside was that Roiben and Kaye were kept apart for almost the entire book, so there was no real progression with their relationship. I think Black is finished with the “modern faerie” books for now, so I guess that’s one story that just isn’t meant to be told.

How To Become A Famous Writer Before You’re Dead
Ariel Gore

I got this book in my Amazon haul last Christmas. I selected it because it seemed like it would be different from the usual books on writing, but it has taken me a few months to get to reading it. Ariel Gore is a bit famous for her first book “Hip Mama” which discussed her teen pregnancy and her journey into single parenthood. Gore is a breath of fresh air as far as I’m concerned. She has a no bullshit attitude that I relate to and she gets to the bones of things quickly, as opposed to waxing poetic about the writer’s life. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the poetry of people like Gail Sher and Natalie Goldberg when it comes to writing guidebooks, but I like the direct approach as well. Gore comes up with some gems in this “how to” book and while I don’t necessarily want to sell myself as hard as she says you have to, it was a good read. I was a bit bored with the section on how to start your own zine (never heard of this word before this book, and I certainly don’t know of any zines, have never read one and don’t know where to get one) but that’s a minor complaint in an otherwise enjoyable book.

Lots of reading this week, and next week is looking good with a re-visit to the first Aurora Teagarden mystery Real Murders (Charlaine Harris), the finish of BITE (a collection of short stories by authors in the vampire genre including Laurell K Hamilton and Charlaine Harris) and who knows what else.

Happy Sunday reading!

Sunday Salon: Chalice and Feeding the Hungry Heart

2009-04-12T05:07:00.000-07:00

Maybe now I can read when I sleep, hmmmm?

This week I read Chalice by Robin McKinley and Feeding the Hungry Heart: The Experience of Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth.

Chalice, a young adult novel by noted fantasy author Robin McKinley, is my first experience with this author and sounded promising. Marisol is a young woodskeeper and beekeeper who lives alone on the parcel of land that was allocated to her family many generations ago, making honey and tending her goats. Her life changes when she is chosen to be "Chalice", an important part of the hierarchy of her county and intrinsically tied to the earthlines of the land. Her county is in trouble - the last Master and his Chalice died in a fire and the new Master is coming back from being an elemental priest and has almost forgotten what it is to be human. If the storyline sounds confusing, that's because it is. It's actually a wonderful idea and I really resonate with the storyline. However, McKinley fails her beautiful story in its telling. For some reason she starts the novel not at the beginning of the story where young Marisol discovers she is Chalice, but instead tells that portion of the story through a series of confusing flashbacks. The language in this book is cumbersome and confusing. The sentences are tangled and there is so much exposition that I almost gave up 80 pages in. I wanted to shout "Show don't tell!!!!" constantly as I felt the first third of the novel was all back story. When you have that much back story you should restructure the book. I recently found the same thing with my novel and I had to admit that I needed to tell the story from the beginning and not try and tell it through flashbacks. Annoying? Yes. But ultimately I hope my book is stronger for it.

I wouldn't recommend this book, despite the lovely storyline and those incredible bees! I read some reviews on Amazon and a lot of people seem to indicate that McKinley's early books are far superior to her later efforts, but for now I think I'll let my experience of this author rest with Chalice.

Feeding the Hungry Heart: The Experience of Emotional Eating is a book I've wanted to read for some time. I'm an emotional eater and I was interested to read what Roth, a noted "expert" on overeating and emotional eating had to say. This book is 25 years old, and focused on a lot of case stories (mostly women married to uncaring men!). I found a lot to resonate with, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was reading the "left overs" of another better book, and I probably was as I've since discovered this was about the third book Roth had written on the topic. I plan on hunting down her first book as I have a feeling it will have more of the information I'm looking for about emotional eating and less of the stories from women who have the problem.

That's it for this week. I've read a few books in the past weeks - Unwind by Neal Shusterman (amazing) and Tithe by Holly Black (a re-read for me as I wanted to re-acquaint myself with Kaye and Robien's world before beginning it's sequel Ironside).

Happy reading!

Sunday Salon: Forever Liesl, Wuhu Diary, An Ice Cold Grave

2009-03-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

Only 3 books for the Sunday Salon this week.

Wuhu Diary: The Mystery of My Daughter Lulu
Emily Prager

This book is about Emily Prager, a writer from New York and her adopted Chinese daughter Lulu. Prager was one of the first "western" women to adopt from China in the late 90's. This book catches up with Prager 4 years down the track when Lulu is 5 and taking her first trip to China to visit the town of Wuhu, where she was born and left on a bridge, a possible victim of China's "one child" policy. Wuhu Diary is a strange sort of book. Parts of it detail boring events such as Prager's injury on a running machine, Lulu's ongoing problem with diarrhea and her sweet friendships with the hotel staff. Presumably Prager thinks these events are interesting as they took place in Wuhu. Other parts of the book are blindly deluded - Prager's absolute faith that sweet President Clinton would never have bombed a Chinese Embassy on purpose, and she tells the Chinese people who speak English this often. It is misguided patriotism in the extreme and I was staggered at how much she believed her own viewpoint with no evidence other than her own feelings. I was also stunned whereby Lulu started playing with an obviously poor little boy in the park and Prager said she had to fight her instincts not to tell the child's father that she would take the boy to the USA and educate him. This stunning display of middle class white person syndrome was glossed over by Prager who I believe genuinely thought she could offer the child more than his own father and family and country.

There are many critical reviews of this book on Amazon, and I understand why. At 5 years old, Lulu possibly wasn't ready to know she was found on a bridge and to be dragged to the orphanage to confront her past, but every parent gets to make these decisions for their child so Prager's actions might have been well suited to Lulu. I found the emphasis she placed on Lulu's dreams or her games to be striking and sometimes, reaching. Sometimes a dream about a crocodile or a game with pandas is just that, not some deep seated processing of adoption trauma. Despite its faults, this is an interesting book and Prager's interest in and respect of Chinese culture (althought she is not above racial stereotypes such as "everyone is happy in China and smile all the time" and unlikely scenarios such as "every adult has time to play with Lulu") is obvious, as is her love for her daughter.

Forever Liesl: My Sound of Music Story
Charmian Carr

I love The Sound of Music. It was my favourite film as a child and I have seen it many many times. I very much enjoyed Charmian Carr's (Liesl) book which showcases her own love for the film. She is generous with her memories of making the movie and lavish in her praise for her celluloid brothers and sisters, with whom she still shares close friendships, even 40 years on. I enjoyed reading about her friendship with Christopher Plummer and her enjoyment at being included with the adults at their hotel in Austria (Carr was 21 at the time of filming, a mere 15 years younger than Plumber and about 6 or so years younger than Julie Andrews). Charmian (pronounced Shar-MEE-an), or Charmy as her friends call her, also details her friendships with the real Trapp family and highlights the differences between their real lives and the film. Carr is now an interior decorator, but still makes apparences to support The Sound of Music. Her book is a quick and easy read and highly recommended for hardcore The Sound of Music fans!

An Ice Cold Grave
Charlaine Harris

I came to Charlaine Harris via the hugely successful Sookie Stackhouse series, and I remain firm in my belief that those books are her best work. I have read her Aurora Teagarden series and her Lily Bard series, as well as the series from which this book - An Ice Cold Grace - is the third installment, and Sookie is her best work.

Harper Connelly and her "brother" Tolliver Lang travel the US hiring out Harper's services as someone who can find dead bodies. She came by this skill after being struck by lightning as a child. She is hired by griefstricken families or the local law enforcement. She finds bodies (which give off a "hum" depending on age) and knows how they died. I find the concept to be interesting, but the execution is always a little off. Harper and Tolliver have no sparkle, nothing of the sweet comic edge that some characters in the Sookie Stackhouse series have. This makes it hard to warm to them, and even harder to stick with them. The mystery angle of the book is usually well written, but this one was telegraphed from miles away. Harris is a gifted writer, though, and despite my misgivings about the characters and the storyline, it is still a quite readable book.

I was thrilled that Harper and Tolliver finally got it on, although I'm not sure how you transition from telling everyone that he is your brother to telling everyone he is your lover. Confused much? Harper and Tolliver are no blood relation, and their lawyer parents married when they were teenagers and had two more children. Their parents became drug addicts and Harper and Tolliver raised their two younger siblings until Harper's sister Cameron went missing one day, their parents were in jail or dead (can't remember which) and they embark on this travelling lifestyle. The overall question of the books is "Where is Cameron?" and she is mentioned in every book and I imagine there will be one whole book that focuses on finding Cameron.

In any case, if you're looking for a great vampire story with a mystery edge, go with the Sookie Stackhouse books. If you're looking for a great mystery (all of Harris' books are mysteries, some are just more obvious mysteries than others) then read the Lily Bard or Aurora Teagarden series. Harper Connelly is a very distant fourth in regards to Harris' best work.

And I'm done. Happy Sunday!

Sunday Salon: Valiant; Audrey, Wait!; Daemon Hall; Skin Deep; A Handbook to Luck; The Hunger Games

2009-03-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's been a work-free week for me, so there was plenty of reading going on. It feels good to plow through 5 novels on my to-be-read list. Yay!

Valiant – A Modern Tale of Faerie Holly Black
I love Holly Black. Her writing is honest, unashamed, blatant, dirty and makes no apologies. In this, her second book about Faerie, she takes the reader on a ride through the teeming New York City underbelly where rats and homeless teenagers share the same space as malevolent exiled faeries. Our hero, Val, takes off after discovering her mother and her boyfriend are sleeping together. She goes to New York City where she takes up with three unusual friends who live half in this world, and half in another. This bizarre fringe dwelling existence brings her into contact with an exiled troll who teaches Val how to fight and how to find her own self worth in between two worlds which are both crumbling.

The best thing about Holly Black’s writing is that it isn’t dumbed down for a young adult audience. She doesn’t care that her characters aren’t role models and she doesn’t romanticise the vision of sleeping rough in NYC. Val and her friends live amongst rats and stained blankets, they freeze in the unforgiving New York winter and they live on whatever food they come across. I loved the romance at the heart of this book in all its fragile complexity, and the understated journey Val takes from heartsick and betrayed girl to warrior woman. As I said, I love, love, love Holly Black and I can’t wait to revisit Tithe and pick up its sequel, Ironside.

Audrey, Wait! Robin Benway

This is the BEST book I have read in what seems like forever. I devoured almost all of it in about 3 hours and actually woke up in the middle of the night and seriously contemplated finishing it off (sadly, I fell back asleep). Audrey, Wait! is all about how 16 year old Audrey breaks up with her wannabe rockstar boyfriend and he writes a song about their break up (called Audrey, Wait! nache) which becomes hugely successful and thrusts all-I-wanna-be-is-a-normal-16-year-old Audrey into a life of rock stars and paparazzi. The author, Robin Benway, does incredible things with dialogue which makes the writer in me beyond jealous. I laughed and giggled so many times while reading this book and really, it was the best time I’ve had reading in a really long time. Thank you Robin Benway! Audrey, Wait! is actually a young adult book, but don’t let that stop you from picking it up because it is a seriously fun and enjoyable read. I heart Audrey!

Daemon Hall Andrew Nance

This was another of my read-in-almost-one-sitting books. Daemon Hall is a little short on character development, but echoes the style of Neil Gaiman’s Coraline, albeit Coraline being a better book all round. The premise is interesting – 5 writing competition winners (who for some reason are all from the same town and no explanation is offered as to why this is so) have to spend one night in a haunted house with an acclaimed horror writer. The one who makes it through the night gets his or her story published. I enjoyed the way the book jumped from what was happening with the five teenagers and the horror writer in the house to each of their stories, which were entertaining in a short story kind of way, in particular the last one about zombies. On the down side, however, there was little character development and a pretty strange ending. On the whole, I feel like this book was a good idea, but lost something in the execution. It certainly had some creepy moments though.

Skin Deep E.M. Crane

Andrea describes herself as “plain-ish and boring” and she lives a ghost like existence in her home and school life until she meets Honora and her dog Zena. Honora and Zena open Andrea’s world up to art, creativity and friendship and the cycles of living.

I really enjoyed this book. Andrea’s voice is quiet and sure, never intrusive and never blatant. The subtlety of E.M. Crane’s language and voice is truly remarkable, evoking feelings of stillness, great heaving change and understanding. I’m a sucker for stories with dogs in them (and no, nothing awful happens to Zena the St Barnard, thank goodness) and I love the concept of a dog owning a person, and what a gift it can be to be owned by one.

A Handbook to Luck Cristina Garcia

It took me a while to get through this book. Partly because it is Serious (with a capital S) and partly because I have never been fond of the structure Garcia employs, which is to have 3 separate main characters and dedicate chapters to each of them over a long period of time. Marta, an immigrant from El Salvador; Enrique, a Cuban immigrant who moved to Las Vegas with his magician father and Leila, an Iranian woman trapped in a loveless marriage only interact with one another on a handful of occasions over the course of the 300 + page book. Marta and Enrique fall for one another in their early 20’s, but Leila marries a man her mother picked for her and Enrique marries a wannabe showgirl. Marta appears briefly in Enrique’s chapters as his children’s nanny.

I’m not overly fond of serious literature, and this book was very high on small details (flowers, birds, food) and very low on any sort of actual storyline. Even the title was strange – luck? Where? The ending is very unsatisfying and I finished the book feeling sad and a bit depressed. On a positive note, Garcia is an excellent writer and her turn of phrase and obvious understanding of what it is to be an immigrant and adopt a second country is well portrayed. She also created some wonderful characters (in particular Enrique’s father was very entertaining). I don’t think I’d actually recommend this book, but I’m glad I stuck with it through to the end.

The Hunger Games Suzanne Collins

I really enjoyed this book – fast paced, snappy dialogue, excellent storyline development – and as Book 1 of a promised trilogy (Book 2 is due out in September 09 according to Amazon) there is certainly a great deal of potential. Katniss Everdeen lives in a future where the USA has been divided into military districts of starving citizens, gloated over by a strange “Capitol” which seems a bit like an exaggeration of our modern day society. Every year, 2 teenagers are chosen from each district to fight in the Hunger Games, which is broadcast as a reality show. Only 1 of the 24 entrants will win, and they must kill off their opponents to claim victory, and preserve their own life. Katniss is a character without a lot of depth, which makes a certain kind of sense because as the author recognises well into the book, Katniss’ daily life is consumed with hunting and trying to provide food for her mother and sister. There is little other time to work out the meaning of her life and who she is apart from provider (I am hopeful this will be the core of Book 2). There is a confusing romance going on in the book, and Katniss’ allegiance to Peeta, her fellow District 12 Hunger Games contestant and Gale, her partner in hunting at home. This is never resolved, which is annoying but again, a trilogy requires certain themes to carry over between books and this is a big one.

Stephen King wrote an interesting review of this book on Amazon (initially for Entertainment Weekly I believe) and he makes some good points. Firstly, we all know reality tv is evil and Collins isn’t the first author to go down that track (King points out he did the same with The Running Man) and to be honest, the whole “reality tv sucks” theme is a bit played out these days. Secondly, he accuses Collins of some “lazy storytelling” which refers to never mentioning the actual cameras, although Kattniss is filmed at every moment and knows she is being filmed and also whenever Katniss really needs something food, medicine etc, it is parachuted down to her in the game by a “sponsor”. I know from reading King’s “Writers on Writing” that he is particularly harsh on lazy storytelling (understandably so) whereas while I see his point, it wasn’t something that bothered me at the time of reading.

I’m not a fan of the “nuclear fallout” books (mind you, Collins never actually says what happened to cause the breaking of the USA) but I did enjoy this one. I’ll leave it a while before I pick up book 2, but I do want to know what happens when Katniss gets home and where that darn romance ends up!

And that's me for this week. Happy Sunday!

What is this space for?

2009-03-02T02:46:00.000-08:00

I am not sure.

I see blogs that are lovingly tendered, held close and put out for exhibition to a crowd of admirers who leave long detailed comments. What is this fascination we have with other people's lives? Is it possible that if we spend too long focusing on someone else's life we are wasting our own?

I used to feel fondness for this space. Not attachment, but fondness. But now I feel nothing. It's another thing to do on a long list that keeps getting buried under work and life.

So for now, I am done here.

She lives a life...

2009-02-26T22:49:00.000-08:00

...of quiet desperation.

The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Week Three

2009-01-25T00:50:00.000-08:00

Secret Three: Following Your Fascinations

These are the things that help me to be brave, and to take that step toward my goal, my dream, my light. That step can be painful and frightening and scary and it sometimes makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Remembering that people believe in me, and in my talent. I remember compliments paid, the look on someone's face as I read the words that flow from my mind, the stories that are uniquely mine.
How I feel when I write - like I've slotted into some invisible groove and this is exactly. where. I. need. to. be. The sense of belonging and hope is something I've looked for my entire life, only to find it inside of myself, induced by the act of writing.
I talk about my writing, mostly to myself. Sometimes I'll be in the car and I'll pretend to be answering questions from a group of people about what it is like to be a successful author. I talk about my characters, my challenges and even though no one is there, and it is just me, I feel like I'm acknowledging my writing self and stroking its soft golden head and thanking it. Okay, that's a little weird. But it works for me. :)
Knowing that the pain of not doing anything is far more than the discomfort that comes with trying something new.
Planning. I love to plan, even if my execution is a little shaky sometimes. I read the book Wishcraft that Gail McMeekin mentions in this chapter. I love it, and highly recommend it. Even if it is a bit old, the principles are very sound and some of the best ideas I've heard in regards to goal setting and achieving. If I have a good plan, I find this can make all the difference.

I think that's it. That's what I do to bring light to the tunnel of creative darkness. I can't wait to read about what you do and create my little toolkit. What a great idea.

My little step this week will be to get up 30 minutes early on Wednesday morning and spend this time writing. I've been a little out of it lately, possibly due to my massive efforts in November for NaNoWriMo. But, this is me, back to an active writing schedule. Hooray!

The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Week Two

2009-01-24T16:20:00.000-08:00

If I close my eyes, maybe the world can't see me

Secret Two: Honouring Your Inspirations

Here is what I "heard" in this chapter:

If I embrace my creativity like a lover, investing time and effort and love and caring into our relationship, my creative self will flourish.
If I spend time in nature, exploring the elements and simply being outside, this will enhance my creativity.

These are good reminders. I have my own sanctuary to create in - my beloved conservatory where I like to work on my art and read and play with my puppies. I do most of my writing here at my desk in my bedroom, though. It is a comfortable space, but certainly needs some clearing out. I have a scented candle burning at the moment. I have only recently returned to lighting candles, but I can't remember why I stopped.

What talents do you have naturally? Gail McMeekin wants to know. I'm a good writer, a gifted writer even. I love the written word and to play with it, arrange it so it has meaning and breathe to life stories, weaving the words tight and close, well, that is pure joy to me. I am determined, I am funny, I have big dreams and interesting ways of helping them transition from dream to reality, although some are not there yet. All in good time, all in good time.

What drains your creative energy? My day job. Being gone, 10 hours a day, in a place I'm not sure I belong, doing things that curiously have no real meaning. This makes me sad, and sadness zaps my creative spirit. I am trying, though, to bring more creativity to work, to be less sad and more happy. Another work in progress.

I think ultimately, creativity is more important to me than almost anything else. Therefore I must find ways to let it run wild and free in my life.

The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: Week One

2009-01-11T06:22:00.000-08:00

Secret One: Acknowledging Your Creative Self

I'm excited to be a part of Jamie's current book blogging group. I really enjoyed my experience with Soul Coaching. My favourite parts were getting comments from other people who were sharing my journey, and connecting with them on their blogs. It made me feel part of a community, which is really a very precious thing.

I have read The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women before. It was more than a year ago now. I found the book through Kimberly Wilson's podcast. I was in a horrible job at the time, and I would sneak chapters in when I wasn't busy and the office dragon wasn't around. I liked the book, and definitely got something out of it. I revisited the book again as a part of Kimberly Wilson's Creativity Circle. I noticed some fairly harsh criticism of the book on that go around, and I admit that due to the heavy load of reading (we were working on 3 books at the same time!) I didn't re-read 12 Secrets.

After I read Chapter 1 today, I thought how lucky I am (and how lucky you are!) that we are not in the same position as Gail McMeekin. We have strong female role models in creativity all around us in this wonderful online community. I can think of at least ten women off the top of my head whose blogs I follow, loving their art or craft or their writing and painting. I follow YOUR journeys of creativity, while going on my own. Even if I don't reach out to all of these women, just knowing you are there means that I don't feel so alone. I feel strong women all around me and I know that if you can do it, so can I.

I am a very creative person, but it took me a long time to come to believe that statement, and live it. First and foremost I am a writer and words are my main art form. But I love to dance (only by myself in my house), paint, colour, glue, scrapbook, make origami and doodle. I've been so much happier since embracing the creativity in my soul. I know that I don't have to be the best dancer, or the best painter, or the most perfect writer. I just have to try. And that, my new friends, is the most fun thing of all. All the possible joy that can flow from creativity.

I look forward to reading some of your entries for the first week - I'm so excited!

Sunday Salon: New York, New York

2009-01-11T00:10:00.000-08:00

This amazing photograph is from a collection called 'The City' by Lori Nix

Biting the Big Apple by Bella Vendramini, Lip Service by MJ Post, Not Quite What I Was Planning and The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs.

I feel like I've been in New York this week. It started with Biting The Big Apple, a memoir from an Australian/New Zealand actress as she studies, lives and loves in New York City. Bella (we're on a first name basis) and I are basically complete opposites. I too have lived, loved and worked overseas, but with much more planning and control than Bella, who sort of launched from experience to experience by the seat of her pants. Her way definitely makes for a better memoir. This book is compulsive reading, probably more so for Australians like myself as we get all of the cultural references and language mangling. We also get the difference between Australia and New York, and Australia and the USA in general, which you'll never understand unless you're Australian. I read this book in about a day, and it was highly entertaining. Who couldn't love irresponsible, yet apparently highly talented Bella? She's very likable and self deprecating, which makes her endearing. The main beef I have with the book concerns Bella's romances. She has two major romances - the first is her own "Mr Big" (whose fake name in the book is James), some rich guy who is intellectual, sensitive and wonderful. Well, he would be if he wasn't an abusive and raving alcoholic who abuses Bella verbally and emotionally, and almost does her physical harm. The second is a nice Israeli musician who is apparently great in the sack, but pretty dumb. He doesn't believe in Bella's dreams or in creativity in general. Obviously Bella dumps James because he's an abusive alcoholic and eventually gets together with the not so smart guy. What bothered me was in the final chapters Bella was saying that she had to leave Israeli guy as he didn't believe in her dreams and THAT WAS WORSE THAN WHAT JAMES HAD DONE TO HER. Um, what? At the end of the book, after being very clear at the beginning about the things James had done and said to her, she goes soft on him at the end? Call me crazy, but I'd consider a mentally and psychologically abusive guy to be far worse that a guy who didn't believe in me. I wouldn't want to be with either, of course, but really... Things made more sense when I read this interview conducted with Bella after the book was published. Apparently she and James married after she wrote the book, although they are now separated. Ah...I see. She was writing the book either just before or during their reconciliation, so she decided to justify her choice and say the Israeli guy was the more abusive of the two... Oh, Bella. So to sum up, it was a good read, very funny in places, cringe worthy in others, but I can't overlook the fact that she justified an abuser and tried to hold him up as a hero.

My next New York book was The Friday Night Knitting Club. I've been wanting to read this one for while, and picked it up on a whim at the library. It was an interesting book, quite clearly a first novel. I found it intriguing and compelling reading, even if it didn't actually have a plot until the last quarter of the book. Prior to that it was basically just getting to know the women who frequent the club. I agree with other reviewers who have argued that the characters are stereotypical. Yes, they are. And it is unabashedly soppy, with a death, a reunion, a late in life romance, a planned for yet still unexpected baby and a break up. I'm not a knitter, but I imagine knitters would love this book for all its knitting references. I noticed that Julia Roberts is starring in the screen adaptation of the book, and it is due out in 2010. I don't think I'll bother going to see it.

My final New York book is MJ Rose's Lip Service. I heard the author interviewed on the Writers on Writing podcast. I like erotic fiction, as long as there is a storyline and the sex is all relevant. Otherwise it would just be porn, and how boring would that be? Lip Service was compelling enough for me to read it in 24 hours. It was a slow build - Julia, a psychologically fragile unhappily married woman becomes a phone sex "therapist" in order to research a book for a sexual therapy institute. The book delves into Julia's repressed sexuality, her redundant relationship with her psychiatrist husband Paul, and her long term friendship with Jack, who has been in love with Julia for years. I thought Rose did a great job, and the twist at the end is pretty neat.

My final read this week was Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs By Famous and Obscure Writers. I heard about this book on the Writers on Writing podcast too. Seriously, that podcast has done wonders for my branching out in reading styles. I've read and enjoyed a whole bunch of books that I probably wouldn't otherwise know about if it weren't for the show. The story behind the six word memoirs in Not Quite What I Was Planning is that Ernest Hemingway was asked to write a story in six words. He said - For sale: baby shoes, never used. Pretty intriguing, huh? So the editors at Smith Magazine asked, via their website, for six word memoir submissions. The results are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, and often brilliant. Some examples:

Cursed with cancer. Blessed with friends.
Crappy parents killed my self esteem.
Revenge is living well, without you.
Country girl seeks, finds, abandons city.
So devastated, no babies for me.
In a Manolo world, I'm Keds.
She walked barefoot in wet cement.

Interesting stuff.

Happy reading, friends!

Dear 2008

2009-01-05T16:22:00.000-08:00

I've read a few blogs that have used the format "Dear 2008" to sort of farewell the year and move on. Last year I tried the Mondo Beyondo method and found it to be useful, so I think I'll mix up the two approaches and see how I go.

Dear 2008,

Now that you're gone, I'm not sure what to say. I was ready for you to go, but that's me. I'm itchy. I need to know that time is passing, things are moving. I often remind myself that time moves at the same speed whether I'm enjoying myself or not. In the next breath I try to deconstruct the notion of time. It doesn't exist really, it is just one more thing we use to try and control life. I like control. I like to know what is happening. 2008 was a year for me to let go of that a bit.

2008 was a year of travel. I took my first trip to Melbourne to see a very dear friend of mine get married. I loved Melbourne, and I couldn't believe it took me so long to get there. The trams, the little alleys, the shopping, the bookstores, the food, the markets...I heart Melbourne. I took a surprise trip to the UK and Europe. By "surprise" I mean that I had no idea I was going, and had in fact decided not to travel for a while and concentrate on paying off my credit cards. Then the email for the writer's retreat to Scotland found its way into my inbox and before you know it, I had decided to go there, and for my first trip to Europe. I am so glad I did. I'm a different person now that the sunny days and starlit nights of Rome, Paris, Lucerne and Florence have soaked into my body and soul. My most recent trip was to Cairns, to visit my wonderful cousin and her equally wonderful (if not slighty more so...) baby Kaylee Maree, and to Sydney to see my soul friend Caroline. Travel is an intrinsic part of who I am. While certain parts of taking a journey upset and distress me (I like control, remember? Travel is rarely controlled), the pay off is worth it, one hundred times over. There will be more travel in 2009, oh yes there will.

2008 was the year my cousin gave birth to the incredible spirit that is Kaylee Maree. Oh Kaylee, how we longed for your arrival. And how much you have brought with you. When all hope seems to be lost, we only have to look into your eyes to know that there is so much more. My cousin gave Kaylee my name as a middle name. I don't think I've ever been more honoured by anything in my life. That she loves me so much that her child carries my name is such a beautiful thing.

2008 heralded the arrival of Mollie Moo. Actually, she arrived in late December 2007, but close enough. Mollie (also known as "The Moo" or just "Moo") was rescued from the pound. I saw her picture on a local animal shelter website and decided she might just be the one. I wanted a similar dog to a golden retriever as I already had the noble steed that is Hopie. We went to visit Mollie and I decided to take her home. I then cried the whole way home, worried that I had ruined Hopie's life and my life and who was this new dog anyway? I stuck it out, and how very glad I am that I did. Mollie and I were meant to be together. Mollie with her tail that wags almost constantly, Mollie who gets up every time I enter a room to come and greet me, Mollie who looks at me with adoration in her eyes, Mollie who if I woke up and called her name in the night would come in a heartbeat. Mollie who cost me $3000 after deciding to eat half a towel. But we won't talk about that too much. I love my Mollie Moo with all of my heart, and I'm so glad we've found each other. I'm also very glad that Hopie has adjusted to being a big sister. It makes me smile when I watch Mollie lay down very close to Hopie, and Hopie heaves a big sigh and lets her lay there. Ah, Hopie baby dog, we're about to begin the 5th year of our journey together and you warm my heart and my soul. I don't think I would have survived the past five years without you.

2008 was the year of writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I found my rhythm, lost it, found it again. I let the words flow where they wanted to. I began. I found my way. I participated in NaNoWriMo and won, clocking over 51,000 words. Yay! I am a writer these days and my novel will be published. Watch this space.

Notice how I've carefully recorded events and not emotions. Now for Mondo Beyondo:

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2008?

I want to acknowledge how far I've come with my writing. It was all just a frgmented dream this time last year, and now it is much more tangible. I can taste it (it tastes like sweet spring water), I can smell it (it smells like fresh reams of neatly stacked paper and soft incense), I can feel it (it feels like fire that burns without pain, it feels like soft rain, it feels like a bagel - strong and shiny on the outside, soft and wooly on the inside) and I can hear it (it sings to me in the softest of breaths). I'm so proud of myself.

I want to acknowledge how I shifted my approach to my working day. These shifts have led to new opportunities for 2009, which are both exciting and frightening.

I want to acknowledge my weigh loss journey. I lost 15kg, which is a major achievement. It's sad to me that I've put on about 9 of the kilos I lost. It's a continuing battle, and not an easy one.

2. What is there to grieve about 2008?

I grieve for dreams and fantasies that remain unfulfilled and out of reach. I grieve for her, the other me, my opposite. I grieve for the fact that I am without a parent, and I grieve for the loss of innocence that comes with losing a parent, not just for me, but for everyone who has ever lost their mother or father.

I forgive myself for not being perfect, for not being debt free, for not being a lawyer, for not being a mother or a wife. I forgive myself for getting angry and for being demanding with myself and others.

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

I think I've said most of what I wanted to say. I declare 2008 complete and I'm looking forward to seeing how 2009 will unfold.

Your pal,

Maree

There is a second part to Mondo Beyondo...I expect I'll get to it soon enough.

Sunday Scribblings: I believe...

2008-12-28T06:14:00.000-08:00

I believe in less than I used to.

Loss does that to a person. I sat at my cousin's wedding and thought how easy it is to believe when you have everything. Of course God is smiling on you. Of course wonderful things will happen for you. Of course you are relaxed and happy.

Things have been snatched from my tight grasp, tearing fingernails and flesh. My legs tremble, my nerves jump erratically under my skin and my breath becomes shallow, so shallow it seems as if I'll never breathe deeply again. Around that corner is someone who means me harm. He'll carve his name on my virgin flesh as I accept the horror, safe in the knowledge that it could be worse because I know worse, and expect no better.

But you don't know that, do you? You don't know what "worse" is. Smile your golden smile and accept the graciousness of the world. For every one of you, there are ten of me. We, with bones snapped, black blood seeping, organs pierced and hearts shredded...we suffer so that you may believe.

Hard times come to us all, of course. You will one day lose your smile, your moment in the sun. You'll join our ranks of pain and fear. It's not all bad, you know. After all, the worst has happened and now you can spend the rest of your days on hands and knees, searching through the tattered remains of your beliefs for that most elusive of things - hope.

Sunday Salon: Books Galore

2008-12-28T01:50:00.000-08:00

I've been absent from the Sunday Salon for a while. I've thought about posting, but just haven't quite got there. The reading has continued of course, so I'm going to talk about The Subtle Knife, Red Leather Diary: Reclaiming a Life Through the Pages of a Lost Journal, Standing at Water’s Edge - Moving Past Fear, Blocks, and Pitfalls to Discover the Power of Creative Immersion and American Gods.

I read Neil Gaiman's American Gods a few months back, after enjoying his young adult novel Coraline so much. American Gods was an incredibly memorable book. I read a lot and even if I enjoy a book it tends to go a little fuzzy after a while. Not so with American Gods, parts of which are still razor sharp in my mind. Characters and scenarios still come to my mind often, even after a few months which is always the sign of a great book. I won't say it was an easy read (particularly the last third or so) but it was continually surprising and unwound itself like 20 metres of red ribbon on a blanket of white snow. I didn't know where to look thought, or what evocative image to entertain. I wanted to read the book in snippets, digesting it slowly, and savouring the complicated stories of how Gods were transported to America, and their slow decline. I thought Gaiman's tension between the old Gods and the new Gods (I loved the idea of the Chrome Gods, who received hundreds of thousands of sacrifices every year from people in car accidents and the drug gods, who again were worshipped in the thousands). I felt like things came a little undone at the end and I wasn't necessarily satisfied with how the final battle went down (or didn't), but what a hell of a ride.

The Red Leather Diary was a nice little find. I can't remember who recommended it to me, but it arrived on my loan shelf at the library just before Christmas. It even had its own red tag - THIS BOOK IS IN HEAVY DEMAND, return it fast or we'll hunt you down - you know the sort of thing. I read a few pages when I left the library and I was hooked. Lily Koppel discovered Florence's diary in an old trunk being thrown out in her apartment building in New York. It detailed the life of Florence, a young girl who was 14 at the start of the diary and 19 at its end, who had a passion for writing, art, men and women and life in general. It faithfully documents New York City in the 20's and 30's and is a wonderful, colourful read. A writer for the New York Times, Koppel wrote a piece on the diary which she then decided to turn into a book. The young girl who wrote the journal is now an old woman of 90, but still with plenty of vigour and passion. The book isn't just transcribed diary entries, but is rather broken into subject matter and interspersed with interviews Koppel did with the 90 year old Florence and her friends and surviving family. In short, it is fascinating and I highly, highly recommend it.

The Subtle Knife is the second of Philip Pullman's award winning Golden Compass series. I bought the omnibus a while back and I've been wading through it. The Subtle Knife was actually an easier read for me than His Dark Materials, possibly because I'd seen the movie and pretty much knew what the main plot points were, which didn't create much mystery or intrigue. The second book is very different from the first and I can understand the reluctance of filmmakers to commit to filming the trilogy. However, I loved the character of Will and I felt Lyra was much more sure of herself in this book and hence a bit less whiny. This was very much the story of two children. I missed Iorek, and of course the loss in this book of one of my favourite characters saw me crying my eyes out. So sad. :( I can also understand the whole religious uproar around the books now. The first book isn't at all controversial in terms of the church. Critical yes, controversial no. But the second one takes it to a new level with the idea of Lord Asriel finding God and planting a knife in his chest. I love controversy though, and I love ballsy plot choices. More power to you, Philip Pullman.

That's a microscopic image of Anne Paris' Standing at Water’s Edge - Moving Past Fear, Blocks, and Pitfalls to Discover the Power of Creative Immersion. The good news: I can relate to all of Paris' main points in this book. It is definitely speaking to me and I'm finding that it has a wonderfully refreshing take on creativity and some new ideas. The bad news: It reads like a Phd thesis. It is impossibly cemented in a bunch of academic references and talk about parenting and how if your parents didn't tell you your drawings were great when you were a kid you became moody and withdrawn and can't be your own best friend etc etc. Some of this info is interesting, but after a while it just becomes redundant. We wouldn't be reading this book if we were having a great artistic life. Let's all agree we weren't really encouraged as children and stop belabouring the point! I also think more examples from Paris' clinical work would be great too. I'm sticking with this book because like I said, it is speaking to me. But I'm used to academic texts and I can imagine it might be a bit heavy going if you're not as forgiving as I'm willing to be.

And that, my friends, is it for my Sunday Salon. It's my birthday this week and I know at least 2 delicious books are headed my way and I also have almost $100.00 worth of vouchers to use up this week in local bookstores so yay! Happy reading.

Remington Typewriters and Red Leather Diaries

2008-12-23T00:45:00.000-08:00

I requested this book at the library some time ago. I can't even remember where I heard about it. Maybe I should work on that. Writing down where the recommendation comes from. Except of course it is hard enough to write down the book title and I've only just started a separate little book filled with "must reads".

Anyway, I went to return Kim Harrison's Where Demons Dare and asked if there were any books on hold for me. Two were, one of which is the a fore referenced The Red Leather Diary: Reclaiming a Life Through the Pages of a Lost Journal. I sat in the car and read the inside cover, which had me sitting in the car for a little longer starting to read the prologue. I decided to actually get out of the car and take this fascinating book to the coffee shop and read it while I drank coffee and ate croissant. So I did, and I've been reading it on and off all day. Not too much, and not too little. Just the right amount to immerse myself in the New York of the 20's. On page 72 I came across a picture of a Remington typewriter, made in 1928 and painted lavender that the diarist had convinced her parents to buy for her. I was suddenly seized with the need to touch my Remington typewriter.

To say that it is mine is a little misleading. This Remington typewriter belonged to my Grandmother or my Great Grandmother and has been sitting in my father's shed for all almost-32 years of my life. I've never seen it operational and I have no idea whether or not it can be made operational. All I know is that it is time to try and restore it. I actually know nothing about restoring typewriters. A helpful website here suggests I start with a soft damp cloth and go from there, so I'm going to give it a try tomorrow. The website also suggests some steel wool and a few other cleaning products (alcohol for the keys apparently) so I'll get those tomorrow too and see what I can see. So far I know there is a LOT of rust, so that will take some getting rid of. Plus, I suspect that not really knowing what I'm doing will be a problem at some point. But for now, I'm just excited!

Here are some pictures of my Remington's current sad state:

This is the "carry case". You seriously do NOT want to know how heavy this typewriter is. Maybe it is made out of iron???

Despite the sheer amount of rust visible, and the very fact I'm restoring a typewriter when what I don't know about typewriters could fill a warehouse, I'm still excited about my project. I feel a strong sense of serendipity here. I'm a writer, and I have to assume that my Grandmother or my Great Grandmother (who both died about 20 years before I was born) was a writer. Why the hell else would they drag this incredibly heavy typewriter out from England when they moved to Australia?

I'm a writer. And maybe, just maybe, this is a Grandmother's gift to a granddaughter she knew she would never meet. I couldn't think of a better present.

I. Want. This. Library.

2008-12-10T19:48:00.001-08:00

I want this guy's library.

I mean, seriously. If I was a dot com millionaire, this is exactly what I'd do with all that money.

The Beautiful Witch

2008-12-09T23:18:00.001-08:00

La Bruja Bella ~ The Beautiful Witch

Looks just like me, actually.

Soul Coaching: Day Eighteen

2008-11-19T23:29:00.000-08:00

Day Eighteen: Being Present and Saying Yes to Life

I've been quiet the last few days. I've been at a three day conference with work, and it has been such a struggle to find joy there. I managed to find some joy - my work colleagues making me laugh, the good food, how I could read my book in the breaks, the fact that the coffee was decent - but it was difficult. Basically I've outgrown my job and I'm ready for something more challenging and I've known that for a while. This week has reinforced that feeling.

Over the past year I have become very good at using "could" instead of "should". I'm a writer, so I am very careful with words, or at least I try to be.

As for today, well, I understand the idea behind living in the present moment. I do try - and I tried again today - but I think I have a life that makes it very difficult to be. here. right. now. I have letters today about my superannuation and retirement savings - I'm in my early 30's, but I have to plan now, according to them. There is a credit card statement with a due date in the future. I have a job interview on Monday (hooray for fire!) and I must prepare for that. I have to go to work tomorrow so I need to have clothes prepared or I'll be searching for something half decent in the morning. My dogs need to be fed soon, and I must take Mollie to the vet about her eye.

See? All of these things are important and my choices mean at least part of me must be in the future. I also like to spend part of my time in the past - my wonderful holiday to Europe was in July - should I just forget that because it is over? No, plus that holiday had an effect on who I am now.

I just don't think it is as simple as be right here in the moment all the time, no matter how much I appreciate the sentiment.

Soul Coaching: Day Fifteen

2008-11-16T20:20:00.000-08:00

Day Fifteen: Confronting Fear/Developing Faith

Would you rather be good or whole?

Unequivocably, I would rather be whole.

I am afraid of how bright my light can shine, of being successful beyond my wildest imaginings, of being a mother, of never being truly loved for who I am, of dying before I've lived, of losing more of the people close to me, of working full time for the rest of my life and yet never being of any use, of never sleeping again, of never being held again, of my dogs running away due to carelessness, of going blind or deaf, of drowning in my own depression.

If I am never loved for who I am, I will survive. I will have been true to myself, to who I am and I will love myself for who I am. Which is really the most important thing, right?

I am willing to fail, and fail epicly and fantastically. To go down in flames, if you'll excuse the pun in this fire week we're in. I'll go down in flames if I must, but before I go down, I'll go up, even if for a few glorious seconds. Then I'll try again and I'll go up for a few more seconds.

Great things can be built, one brick at a time, one step at a time, one fearless action at a time.

I believe this.

Soul Coaching: Day Fourteen

2008-11-16T05:08:00.000-08:00

Day Fourteen: Releasing Victim Thinking/Choosing Your Life

Isn't this interesting? This is something I have been working at for a long time now, and I have been paying specific attention to it during the course of Soul Coaching. I am very careful with my language these days.

I'm so stupid becomes That was silly of me, I will be more present in this moment

I'm just not lucky becomes I'm very lucky, and abundance is all around me

I'm so angry that she said that becomes How can I understand this person better?

This whole self improvement thing is difficult. It would be much easier to sit in the corner and blame the world for everything, taking no responsibility. I know people like that. But I pity them. I want to live my life and be happy. I want to have dreams and goals. I want to risk everything for the promise of something. A life lived in fear is a life half lived, and I want so very much to be fully alive.

Who I am is enough, just as I am

Soul Coaching: Day Thirteen

2008-11-14T17:12:00.001-08:00

Day Thirteen: Attitude of Gratitude

I could be more grateful. I am grateful for my life, my health, my family and friends, my job. It's the little details I get caught up in and somehow I let them eclipse everything else, until all I can see is irritating details.

Here are the things I am grateful for today:

My body and the way it carries me around, the fact that I can walk, talk and breath and I live in a pain free way
My job, for it brings me money and a car and the ability to improve my skills
The kindness of the people at the cocktail function I worked at this evening, who were all extremely nice to me
My ability to write, and I am grateful for Chris Baty (creator of NaNoWriMo and all round cutie) who created a great program to kick me into gear with my novel
My dogs and how much joy and happiness they bring me
The availability of good fresh food, and my ability to buy it
The people I work with who make me laugh
My Mum and her unrelenting support of everything that is me
My 46 year old bird (he's a pink and grey galah and his name is Cocky, or The Cockster if you're a close friend), just for being around and being himself
To the muses for inspiring me
For all my books and my love of reading

You know...there is a lot to be grateful for. I think I just need to stop and remind myself of that more often.

Soul Coaching: Day Twelve

2008-11-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

Mossy Rocks, Isle of Cumbrae, Scotland

Soul Coaching: Day Twelve

In the centre of my being, there is always stillness and peace

I've had a rough couple of days. I thought about using a different word to "rough", but rough sums it up pretty well. I received some feedback at work which while it was framed in a very positive and careful manner was still negative feedback. And what really sucks, is that I know the feedback is true.

Sometimes I think I'm getting a grasp on myself and moving through the world and I'm abruptly brought down to earth with a bump, cuffed over the ear and told "You've got a lot to learn, kid." I wonder if it is wrong of me to think I'm evolving into something more. Maybe evolving isn't a linear process - sometimes I'm way ahead, sometimes I'm just behind and it sort of jumps all over the place.

I agree with Denise Linn when she says that working through soul coaching will bring these things to light in our lives. I suppose it makes sense that the light will shine on areas of my life that I would rather stay hidden in the dark.

Today's Level 1 suggestion is to slow down. I tried, but my mind is racing a million miles an hour and I've had such a busy few days. All excuses. I think I'm just hurt right now, and if I slow down too much I'll have to sit in that place and I just don't want to.

Soul Coaching: Day Eleven

2008-11-12T23:34:00.000-08:00

I have no words for the soul coaching journey today. Only water filled photographs...

Venice, Italy

Paris as seen from the Eiffel Tower

The ocean view from Wee Cumbrae, Scotland

Lake Lucerne, Switzerland

Scarborough Beach, Western Australia

My home.

Soul Coaching: Day Ten

2008-11-11T19:58:00.000-08:00

Botanical Gardens, San Antonio, Texas

Day Ten: What Are Your Energy Zappers

I am moving into harmony with everyone and everything in my universe

I chanted this affirmation this morning as I did some cleaning. I got the words a bit muddled around, but the intention is there. I carefully put aside some time in my work day to work on both the Level 1 and the Level 2 activities.

Level 1: Identify Your Energy Zappers

Here is my list of energy zappers:

Work - I don't like working full time; I'm not being challenged at work so my motivation is low; there is conflict with my work team; I get frustrated at the lack of anything remotely resembling uniform processes and procedure.

Life - I feel like I spend too much time at the supermarket, I don't like clutter and mess but I let things get that way, I feel like I don't read enough; debt zaps my energy; junk food and not exercising zap my energy; feeling disconnected and alone.

I came up with a series of good solutions, such as looking for another job, going to the sueprmarket once every 2 weeks and stocking up, making a small amount of time each day to tidy up, exercising more, eating less junk food, calling my friends at least once a month to stay in touch.

Level 2: Identify What Juices Your Energy

Here is my list: exercise (yoga and walking), writing, reading, playing the piano, spending time with my friends, the rain, planning holidays, being with like minded souls, lighting candles, being with my dogs, self exploration, creativity in all its forms, water and swimming.

From this list I put together some solutions that include finding a yoga class, going swimming either at the beach or at the swimming pools at least once every 2 weeks, turning the tv off and reading more, start planning a holiday, making more time to be creative.

Now comes the more difficult part - scheduling these activities into my life. I have a wonderful book by Barbara Sher called Wishcraft which talked about how you start with your goal - say, to exercise more - and then work backwards, exploring what I would need to do to exercise more, waht sort of exercise, early morning or evening classes, group classes or individual, costs etc etc. It's a great way to work through goals and I have used the process extensively with my goal of become a writer and publishing a novel. Those goals are not done yet, but at least I'm on my way.

Now, I'm off to fill up my beautiful water bottle from Switzerland and have a nice cold drink of water.

Soul Coaching: Day Nine

2008-11-10T05:21:00.000-08:00

Day 9: Examining the Meaning That You Give Your Life

Firstly, I am excited that Jamie used my photo today. I took the photo at Villa Sumaya on Lake Atilan in Guatemala in February last year. It was a little nook in a wall right on the lake, with a tap and a bowl make of a sweet rock mosaic. With the lovely flowers it made for a beautiful picture. I hope everyone has enjoyed it!

Secondly, I didn't have time for more cleaning today. I spent most of the day at work (this full time work business gets in the way of a lot of the things I want to do!) and then this evening I went out with a friend for dinner and then I had to make my NaNoWriMo word count so I am feeling pretty tired and cranky right now.

I find it hard to give people or events the benefit of the doubt. The example Denise Linn gives in the book is if someone cuts me off in traffic I could choose to believe they were running late or their husband was in labour or whatever, but I usually think "what a jerk". The same when someone cuts me off in a grocery store line or walks into me because they weren't looking where they were going. What I actually want to say to them is:

I'm sorry, is your need greater than mine?

Because it isn't. All our needs are great. Mine are not more important than theirs and vice versa. It is very hard to for me to feel compassionate and forgiving towards people who lack personal insight and are unable to see outside of their own experience. I won't apologise for this.

There are other things I can reframe - my language use, the way I think of my body, forgiving myself for mistakes (I'm only human, after all!) and most of all believing in myself.

Lit Flicks Challenge - I'm in!

2008-11-09T21:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've actually been a part of the Lit Flicks Challenge since September 1, but I am only just getting around to writing my sign up post. Er, whoops! Well, better late than never, right?

Here are the books I'm going to read for the challenge:

The Horse Whisperer

Memoirs of a Geisha

Casino Royale

The Witches of Eastwick

Eragon

Man on Fire

I've actually already read the first two - which I'll post about separately. The idea is that you read at least 5 books, and watch at least 2 of the film adaptations and then post reviews and join in on conversations and stuff. I'm a little behind, but I'm hoping to catch up with some reviews and some chatter. I just LOVE talking about books!

Soul Coaching: Day Eight

2008-11-09T18:40:00.000-08:00

Day Eight: Exploring the Turning Points of Your Life

I unconditionally accept my feelings...and what I feel is not who I am

I'm excited to begin the week of water. More excited than poor little Eeyore in the picture above, anyway! I love the water. I live near the ocean and as a child I spent my summers learning how to swim. I don't get to swim anywhere near as much as I used to, but I still have that love of water and the way it cushions my weight and holds me up.

I have chosen to do the Level 1 activity today: What Were the Turning Points in Your Life? This is a big question.

The turning point that comes to mind is a recent one. I mentioned early last week about a friend who said something to me that I chose to take in a way that made me feel "bad". I picked my language for that sentence very carefully - I chose to feel bad about what he said. I allowed him to bring out feelings of guilt and remorse. As they say in therapy, use the 'I' statements. I can't sit here and say "He made me feel bad. He didn't have to say that. He was mean." I'm all about the personal responsibility.

That event caused me to examine our friendship more closely. I tried to take a step back and really think about it. 90% of our friendship is about him. I listen to him, give him feedback or advice. When I talk, he becomes fidgety, checking his Blackberry or watching something else. His attention is only fully on me when we are discussing him. He rarely asks me questions about my life. I am wondering why I let this go on for so long. Why?

I am not sure, but I know that our friendship needs to change, or perhaps its end has come. I remember several years ago I met up with this friend and I was in a quiet space. He said "You're quiet today" and I said "Yes". We sat in silence for a while and he said again "This is very quiet" and I said "You could always ask me questions" and he looked and me and said "But that isn't how this works". That may be, but now is the time for our friendship to change or for me to let go.

I feel at peace with this and I feel this has the potential to be a major turning point. I hope everyone else's day eight has been as interesting as mine.

Soul Coaching: Day Seven

2008-11-09T04:04:00.000-08:00

Day Seven: Exploring Your Soul Mission in Life

I had such fun with this exercise today. I told my Mum about it, so when we were doing things together I'd say to her "Maybe this is a soul message" and she'd say "I think there might be a message here". It was fun. :)

Here are the words and messages I heard today:

I need to be challenged
I want to help people
I need space
I am a good listener
I am here to learn
I am here to write and tell stories
I need to travel and explore the earth
Freedom is essential to my life
There is a lot of good in people
Embrace life - now is the moment I have been waiting for

I went to a street fair with my Mum and I was looking at all these wonderful books (they were only $1 each - what a bargain!) and I had one of my dogs with me. A man behind me said very loudly "If I could just get this dog out of my way I could get in there". I felt bad, but it was a very small space and really only one person could look at a time, whether they had a dog or not. I didn't say anything but I felt sad about it. I waited in the shade (it is spring in Australia and it can get very hot!) with my two dogs while my Mum went to have a look around and lots of people smiled at the dogs and I and a few stopped to pat them and tell them how beautiful they are. I thought to myself "I must think more about the 10 people who loved my dogs and less about the one man who was mean". Then my Mum returned with the water and a bookmark which had LOVE written on it and a picture. "Look, another sign" she said to me. Indeed it was.

Who I am is enough

I completed Level 1 today, and am keen to revisit Level 2 and 3.

Farewell, air. This week has been revealing and interesting. I felt both bashed about by your winds and held aloft by them. I feel like I am finding parts of myself on this journey, collecting them all in a jar and bringing them all into communion with one another.

Now, I can't wait to go and read about everyone else's day 7!

Soal Coaching: Day Six

2008-11-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

Day Six: Lightening Up - Letting Ho While Doing More Clutter-Clearing

I am safe and centred no matter where I am

I chose to do Level 2 today. I must say that I wasn't really in the mood for Soul Coaching today. I tried the mediation Denise Linn suggests, but I find still meditation to be so very difficult. My mind likes to follow paths, so when I do meditate (which isn't often) I choose spoken meditations because then at least my brain has something to do.

I did Schedule Time to Relax - I watched Sex and the City The Movie on DVD (love it!) and went to a 2 hour writing session with some local people also involved in NaNoWriMo. Finding time for myself is not something I struggle with. As a matter of fact I get tired of self development books saying "make time for you" and "when was the last time you did something for you?" or "when was the last time you were alone?" I am alone with myself all the time. Sometimes I am completely and utterly sick of my own company! I understand these statements are targeted usually at women with children, but still.

There is more clutter clearing I could do and I am hoping to shake this mood and be more interested in clearing my desk space tomorrow. For now, I think I'll go to bed.

Soul Coaching: Day Five

2008-11-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

Day Five: Clutter - Energy Up/Energy Down

I am writing this post from work (thank goodness I am well practiced in the art of sneakiness! Also, it is a Friday afternoon so I think this is okay) and the image above of Chewbacca is one I can relate to - papers everywhere, post it notes with mysterious scribbles on it. I know if I look behind me my colleague has a post it note on her wall that reads "Interview Chicken Apprenticeship." I have no idea what that means, but it makes me giggle. It also raises the point that being organised in the office is very important.

Today's affirmation is:

Fresh, invigorating energy fills my life.

Today I chose Level 2, so Energy Up/Energy Down and Clutter Questionnaire and Clearing One Area. This is a very involved task - or at least, it could be if I choose for it to be. Like Denise says, decluttering can take time. For me, it is all about micromovements. One drawer here, one shelf there and before you know it, I will be completely decluttered!

I started with my office today. Well, it is more of a cubicle. An office implies walls! I took everything out of my bookshelves, everything off my desk and gave it a good clean. I gave items away to other staff members and piled all of the paperwork I need to go through into some trays. I filed all my client folders that have been hanging around on my desk (that's a no-no when it comes to confidentiality too. I want to be more careful about that. I WILL be more careful and responsible about putting client files away) and rearranged my origami (I have an origami everyday calendar and I do one piece every day. Now that it is November I have quite a collection!) and gave away some pieces and threw others in the rubbish bin.

The result is I feel a lot more focused and a lot more motivated. My colleagues have even commented on how wonderful my desk looks and how they would like to clean up their own!

I am keen to complete the rest of the checklist for the other areas of my house and my life. In my bedroom I have recently given away a lot of clothes that I retained for the reasons Denise mentions. I feel good about that! I need to do some more organisation though and when I get home I will do some energy up/energy down exercises in there. I reorganised the bathroom the other day and threw out lots of stuff. There are still some things under the sink that need organising though. My vehicle requires a service, which I plan on organising in January. My home office and desk need some organisation.

I really enjoyed the before and after photographs other people shared on their blogs. Very interesting. Also, thank you to those people who have commented on my blog. I really appreciate sharing this journey with you all.

Soul Coaching: Day Four

2008-11-06T00:49:00.000-08:00

This is my photo! I'm so happy Jamie used it on The Next Chapter:Soul Coaching blog

Day Four: Where Are You Now in Your Life?

I read this day last night as I am still trying to catch up to everyone else after my slow start. I keep telling myself I am exactly where I need to be and it is helping, but I thought I might be able to do a sneaky "two days in one" with days three and four. I immediately knew I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn't explore day four in its own time.

Today was a trying day for me. I had a strange conversation with a long time friend of mine yesterday. We were talking about politics and he said some things and I said some things. He'd reacted strangely to a comment I'd made so I sent him an email apologising. I wasn't sure I needed to do that, but he's a good friend so I sent it anyway. This morning I read an email from him that said You were very insensitive. I was very unhappy with you. I'll get over it. I read it and I thought it was totally ridiculous. I was happy Obama won and he would have preferred McCain did. This is not a big deal. I immediately thought "who is he to say such things to me?"

I believe in the synchronicity of this book. Oh yes, I do.

Here we are talking about decluttering and letting go and here I am with an email that seems to be trying to make me feel bad about something very silly. Do I need this in my life? No. I do not.

This set my day off on a strange foot, and I never quite recovered. I paid close attention to observing how I react to things. I listened extra carefully to what people were saying to me. Here is what I heard:

You are cynical
You are negative
You are making me feel bad
You are efficient
You are proactive
You make me laugh
You could have done that, or is that you SHOULD have done that?
I disagree with you
I agree with you
I hear you
We forgot about you
Go away

It was an interesting exercise, and I feel a bit scraped raw from it. I am certainly not a perfect human being, but I try hard. Here are the more negative statements re-worded, as Denise Limm suggests.

I am a realist
I was having a low motivation day
I could have been more sensitive in that situation
I am efficient
I am proactive
I am funny
I could have done that, but I chose to do something else
I have a different point of view from some people
I put forward engaging points of view that reflect the current climate at work
I have people at work who understand what I am saying and support me
We misplaced the meeting agenda and we're sorry. Next week is a better time for us.
We're busy at the moment, but we look forward to seeing you next week.

I like the second list much more than the first list! I want to work on thinking more in these terms than the first list. It's like learning to drive a car - the negative words and thoughts are automatic and I have to re-learn how to drive my brain so I can slow down and replace them with positives.

It has been a hard day for me today.

Soul Coaching: Day Three

2008-11-05T04:49:00.000-08:00

Day Three: Clearing Clutter in Your Bedroom/Bathroom

I am feeling the synchronicity of today. Several months ago I cleaned out one of my bathroom drawers and never quite got to putting everything back in. Today was the perfect opportunity for me to work on Level 1: Clutter-Clear One Small Area. My drawer is just perfect now. I am really enjoying looking at everything in its place, and I am also congratulating myself on throwing out some more items as I went through everything. A few months ago I thought I needed that extra makeup, or the lipstick I haven't worn since 2003. But today I knew it was time to release and let go. Of old make up, yes, but also of all the other things in my life that do not serve me.

Today's affirmation is:

There is clarity within me and around me

Indeed. There is certainly clarity in my writing, which served me well today.

Soul Coaching: Day Two

2008-11-04T04:05:00.000-08:00

Day Two: Making a Commitment to Change Your Life

Today's affirmation is:

I honour my commitments to myself and to others

I try very hard to do this, but like most people, I do not always succeed. I have again chosen Level 1 due to the fact I am a few days behind the group. I am definitely keen to revisit the Level 2 and 3 Day Two exercises in the future. I think they are very interesting and insightful questions.

My Level 1 Activity is: Commit to Take One Empowering Action Daily. I am SO excited by this and I knew instantly what I would choose - Dancing with wild abandon. I love to dance. I used to rush home from high school before anyone else got home, turn up the CD player very loudly and dance for about half an hour. I couldn't wait to move my body. I haven't done that in a really long time, but I am really eager to get to it.

My body is starting to wake up...hallelujah! I'm off to dance up a storm.

Soul Coaching: Day One

2008-11-04T03:39:00.000-08:00

Day One: Life Assessment

I'm a few days behind on Soul Coaching but I'm trying not to let that bother me. I have happily read the overview for Day 1 and I took some really deep breaths and put the affirmation to work:

My evaluation of myself is not who I am

That affirmation has given me considerable thought and I am still processing it. If I am not who I think I am, then who am I? What a fascinating question...

I have chosen Level 1 for today's activity, mainly because I am a little behind and am keen to get back on track. The author of Soul Coaching, Denise Linn, says that it is fine to revisit activities later on so I hope to come back to the more time consuming activities for Day One later in the month.

The Level 1 Activity is: Assessing Your Life. Where am I in my life right now?
Health - I lost 15kg, but a few have crept back on. I am keen for both my physical and mental health to reinvigorate my exercise and healthy eating program. Today, I feel like I have eaten too much food and I haven't eaten food that my body truly wants. I've let my body become clogged with fats and sugars again. They make so much noise and so many demands, I can't hear what my body truly needs. I want to hear again.
Relationships - I am happy in my relationships with my family and friends. I want to put some more time into a couple of my friends I haven't seen in a while, so I will make plans with them this week. I don't have a boyfriend, but I am definitely open to meeting someone wonderful!
Finances - I feel like I am making progress in paying off my debts. They are happy debts (or as happy as debts can be!) as I have more than enough money to pay them back and the money already spent went towards a wonderful holiday. I want to continue to pay off what I owe and then start saving for the next holiday.
Career - This is a tough one. My job is not the perfect job. It's okay, and there are parts of it I really enjoy. There are large parts of it that I don't find as enjoyable. I know it is not the "right" job for me (whatever that means) and I am exploring alternatives and trying to move up into people management. I need challenges and fresh ideas.
Creativity - My main creative outlet is writing. I've signed up for NaNoWriMo this month, which requires me to write at least 1,666 words a day in order to meet the 50,000 word goal by November 30. I fell a little behind, but I'm only about 900 words behind now and I've written 5756 words. I'm so proud of myself! I like to paint and journal too, but both those activities have gotten a bit lost, so I want to return to them. They make me happy.
Spiritual Fulfillment - I am starting to re-explore my spiritual beliefs and spiritual life. Slowly, slowly. It is too fragile to try and analyse or explain at this point. I want my spirituality to be re-discovered and re-defined in an organic, natural way. I am committed to this.

My intention for the next 28 days is to learn to really listen to myself - mind, body and spirit. I intend to put extra effort into reconnecting with these parts of myself. I will be mor conscious of what I feed my body. I will connect with my spirituality. I wil write and paint and journal. I will turn off the tv and put down the book to actually do these things. I will nurture my relationships and make myself aware of how I travel through my life. I will choose to see he positive in a sea of negative.

Finally, a few things to share on air. I wandered outside today at my office. We have gardens filled with rose bushes that are well over 50 years old. I carefully cut some flowers (only the ones almost finished blooming with no other buds) and spent some time avoiding the thorns and watching the butterflies. They were beautiful. I saw a vivid orange one zoom off on a breeze and I realised it didn't know where it was going, but it was GOING. I am going. I am not sure where, but I'm going.

I was sitting in my lounge room and telling my Mum that I couldn't bear to hear any more sad news. I heard my soul speak to me. It said "You must let the happiness and the good times take up more space in your heart than the sadness and the bad times." How remarkable.

Soul Coaching: Intention Post

2008-11-03T04:45:00.000-08:00

Cathedral of the Isles, Cumbrae, Scotland

I am very excited to be a part of Jamie's group exploring the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn. I signed up about a month ago and then promptly forgot to request the public library's copy of the book. Luckily for me I managed to find it at a library relatively close to me and I picked it up on the way home from work tonight. I feel like I'm a little bit behind, but everything I've read on Jamie's site and in the book so far makes me feel like I was supposed to come to this a bit late and the most important thing is I am here now and I am ready to participate.

The first task is to set an intention for this 28 day journey. Goodness. I have to say I haven't given the process much thought. I want to connect with others and share the journey, I know that. I want to learn more about myself. I want to connect to the deep part of me that wants to be heard. I want to nurture myself and be kind. I want to commit to changing anything and everything that isn't serving me.

This is a good beginning.

What's with all the posting? NaBloPoMo, that's what

2008-11-03T01:00:00.000-08:00

Dodgy Mac Photo Booth picture of me with kissy face

Yes, not only am I signed up to NaNoWriMo, I'm committed to NaBloPoMo aka National Blog Posting Month. This one is pretty simple - we commit to posting on our blogs every day for the month of November. I tend to get a bit slack with my blog (which is actually okay, because I only write this darn thing for myself, so no judgment on me...or you) so this is more of an experiment than anything else. I suspect I have enough to say to last at least a month, but I figure I'll post some writing from NaNoWriMo and some photographs.

It will be fun, dude.

Well, I'm about 3000 words behind on NaNoWriMo already, so I'm off to catch up!

Sunday Salon: Catch Up

2008-11-02T00:28:00.001-07:00

This week is a catch up post of the books I've been reading over the past few weeks. I've finished up Memoirs of a Geisha, The Lost Slayer and Untangling My Chopsticks. I'm almost done with Phillip Pullman's The Subtle Knife and I'm in the middle of reading An Enchanted Life: An Adept's Guide to Masterful Magick.

This is the movie poster, but the cover of my book looks the same. Typical Hollywood - Chiyo's eyes are grey in the book, not sky blue.

Memoirs of a Geisha is one of the books I'm reading for the Litflicks Challenge. I'll write more about it when I do the Litflicks review post for it. It is a wonderful book, made all the more real to me as I have walked the paths of the Gion district of Kyoto and been to a traditional tea house where Geisha (or Geiko as they prefer to be called in Kyoto) lived and worked. I find the concept fascinating and I enjoyed the book immensely. I think the book would have had even more of an impact if I hadn't seen the movie. As it was, there were few surprises. I enjoyed the detailed beginning and the ending which were different than the movie. I also appreciated the complex relationships that were conveyed much better in the book than in the movie.

I started Memoirs just after finally finishing Untangling My Chopsticks. I had to push through the remainder of Chopsticks and in the end, I was glad that I did. I also had a powerful hunger for Japanese food and ate it practically all week! As a matter of fact, I could eat some right now... Parts of this book were fairly shallow, especially where the relationships of the friends the author made in Kyoto were concerned. I got the feeling Victoria didn't even like some of them, and despite their kindness towards her, she had little compassion or warmth towards them in her descriptions, with the exception of the couple she lived with for a short time. I also thought the ending was odd - [spoiler] Victoria is offered a year long teaching job at the end of the book but declines it because she feels she might end up like her quasi-friends, a gay couple who have lived in Kyoto for 14 years and never quite fitted in. Um...hello? It is a bit different living in a country like Japan for 2 years and living there for 14 years! Basically I think she just wanted to get back to her boyfriend in the US. No shame in that, but at least be honest about your motivations. The food parts were overly detailed and I found myself skimming over ingredients I didn't understand and can't imagine. I much preferred the chapters of the book that detailed living in Kyoto as a foreigner, and I suspect there are better books that explore this theme.

I wrote about The Lost Slayer in my last Sunday Salon post. It continued to be enjoyable right up to the end. I think Christopher Golden did a great job of the four books that make up the Lost Slayer collection and my return to the Buffyverse was fun and unpredictable. Anyone who loves Buffy should seriously read this book.

As I said, I'm almost at the end of Phillip Pullman's second book in The Golden Compasses series. The Subtle Knife is much more interesting to me than the first book, His Dark Materials. It could be the old "seen the movie, book isn't surprising as I know what is going to happen" and it could be that I find the concept of the proud taking on the throne to be compelling. I remember writing when I was reading Materials that I couldn't see what all the fuss was about in regards to the religious implications of Pullman's books and a few Sunday Salon-ers posted "Wait until the second and third novels" and boy were they right. I know there has been some debate as to whether the second book will be made into a movie and I can understand if it isn't. It doesn't lend itself to filmaking in the same way the first one did and to me, it feels very much like a bridge from the beginning to the end, which it undoubtedly is as the middle book in a trilogy. The only downside is my three book omnibus is mighty heavy to carry around and take to work. Also, how awesome is Pullman at giving titles to his books? These are some of the best titles I've ever heard of and I love that he lifted them from other literature.

Finally, An Enchanted Life is one of about 30 books I have on magic, witchcraft and paganism. I acquired some of these books through interest and others for my anthropology thesis which was on the evolution of Samhain to Halloween and the themes of fear, death and the supernatural. This is fairly different than the standard Witchcraft 101 books and the themes are a little more advanced. One thing I don't like about Patricia Telesco's writing is the fact that she likes to add a lot of exclamation marks! All the time! And it makes me feel like she's really really excited! And it distracts me from what she's saying! I'm only halfway through this one and there are a few meditations I want to try so we'll see how it goes.

Happy reading fellow Sunday Salon-ers [insert gratuitous exclamation mark here].

NaNoWriMo 2008 has begun

2008-11-01T06:39:00.001-07:00

National Novel Writing Month 2008 (NaNoWriMo to its friends) begins today. I signed up for NaNoWriMo last year but wrote precisely zero words, so I figure the only way to go from that basement start is up. I wrote over a thousand words today (one writing exercise and the end of my assignment for my writing class) so I guess you could say I have SMASHED my record from last year. In your face NaNoWriMo 2007!

If you want to find out more about NaNoWriMo, or even sign up to write your own 50,000 word novel in 30 days, go here.

I'm a work machine!

2008-10-17T06:11:00.001-07:00

The puppies look like muppets in this picture, especially The Moo (in back)

I decided to do a little social experiment on myself this week.

I made a pledge that I would not access the internet at work. No Facebook, no Gmail, no Bloglines, no Wikipedia, nada, zip, zero, nothing. Only work email, because apparently I have to respond to that. I had a vague idea that I wanted to see the effect it would have on my motivation. I don't have issues with time management at work. I am not someone who runs around screaming "I'm so busy!" and complaining. Well, I complain. But not about not having enough time to do my job.

So, day one was pretty easy. Day two, a bit harder. Day three and four were really pretty intense. I felt like an addict needing my crack. "Just a quick search!" or "I could just Wiki that..." or "Maybe I should check my email". I stayed strong in the struggle until this afternoon when my boss told me to check out a job on a website and also, I had this really cute email with little panda pictures in it that I wanted to sent to a friend...

The final result is I was basically a work machine this week. I did about 4 weeks worth of work in one week by taking the radical move of using work time to do actual work. I do my job, it just doesn't usually require my full attention 7.5 hours a week. I felt really productive and useful. Will I continue the experiment? Yes, but not for the same reasons.

I read a lot of blogs. I like the insight into other people's lives. I find it interesting and compellng. But I waste a lot of time reading about other people's lives that could be spent actually living MY life. I care a lot less about my blog reading this week. I want to spend my personal time on stuff that is important to me. Not other people's lives, not the tv and not always books (although I totally heart books forever and ever). This is a good lesson to learn.

I've been typing up my writing from my journals and I have about another 4000 words for my novel, so I'm doing pretty good. I'm really looking forward to NanNoWriMo in November! I've also been reading Memoirs of a Geisha which I'll blog about in my Sunday Salon post.

Well, I'm off to live my life.

29 Day Giving Challenge: Day One

2008-10-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

I have been interested in the 29 Day Giving Challenge for a while now. I signed up a few weeks ago but I've really stalled on starting. Mostly because I don't know what to do, and how to start giving away something every day. The tangible things are easy - money, clothes, food etc. The intangibles are hard. It is going to be difficult, I think. But I've decided to jump straight in and see how it goes. Sink or swim, you know?

My first giving will be of the rocks at home I have painted with inspirational words. I'm going to take them with me when I walk the dogs this afternoon and put them in trees at the park.

A good start, I think.

The Yellow Wallpaper

2008-10-08T00:36:00.001-07:00

I read a short story today. It is part of my reading for my Creative Writing course. The story is called The Yellow Wallpaper and it was written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman and first published in 1892. I had no idea the effect this story would have on me.

The unnamed protagonist is experiencing post natal depression and the piece is an exploration of her experiences in an isolated homestead, forbidden to get "excited" or do anything resembling work as this was considered counter productive to her "nervous condition". Her husband is a jerk, telling her that the way she feels is all in her head and treating her like a small child. By the end of the story she is almost insane. In the commentary that followed the story Charlotte Gilman said she had experienced depression periodically in her life, and after her child was born. She went to see a "noted specialist in nervous disease, the best in the country" who said there was nothing really wrong with her, but she should "live a domestic life as far as possible", "have but two hours intellectual life a day" and "never touch a brush, pen, or pencil again" as long as she lived. She said she did this for 3 months and almost went insane.

This makes me angry on so many different levels. How DARE men of that time and place - barely a hundred years ago - explain away how a woman feels as being all in her head. How DARE he suggest that any kind of creative expression was counter productive to "getting over it"? How many women did this doctor, and others like him, cut off from creative expression and treat like baby making machines with the brains of vegetables? 2000 years of human history and a hundred years ago this fucking idiot doctor was strapping women to beds, feeding them massive amounts of cream and prescribing no intellectual stimulation. What the hell was he thinking?

I dislike the medical profession intensely. I do not believe all they tell me. I don't follow their prescriptions and tests if I don't agree with them. I won't let their statements remain unchallenged. Their power base has been far too big for far too long. I won't help them maintain unwarranted control over my life, or the lives of others.

As for the descent into madness experienced by the lead character in The Yellow Wallpaper, I feel uncomfortable reading her words. I read The Bell Jar for the first time a year or so ago. I was in equal measures repulsed and attracted by the story. I remember telling a woman on my writing retreat in Guatemala that I felt like I could see myself in Plath's words and she said "Yes, I think that was the disturbing thing about that novel. We could all see ourselves in her".

So now I am uncomfortable and filled with righteous indignation at the treatment of women by the medical profession.

Who I wish I could be

2008-10-06T00:29:00.001-07:00

I wish I could be someone who:

Smiles more
Feels bone deep contentment
Believes in herself
Doesn't work full time
Enjoys her day job
Is kissed often
Is debt free
Knows what she wants
Doesn't feel jealous and envious of other people whose lives seem better than hers
Creates good art
Writes every single day

Sunday Salon: Week Whatever

2008-10-05T06:20:00.001-07:00

I've had a few weeks off from the Sunday Salon, so I'm not sure which week I'm at. The past few weeks have been slow reading weeks for me. I'm still reading Untangling My Chopsticks: A Culinary Sojourn in Kyoto, I have started and finished For the Love of Letters: A 21st Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing and I am halfway through The Lost Slayer.

Let's start with For the Love of Letters.

I heard the author of this book, Samara O'Shea, interviewed on the Writers on Writing podcast (I seriously heart this show - it is available for free on Itunes and I find it is great for introducing me to authors and books I wouldn't ordinarily read) and thought this sounded like an interesting little book. O'Shea explores the world of letter writing in a unique way - she interposes letters she has written and received with famous letters from Abraham Lincoln, Edgar Allen Poe and Emily Post. The result is a suprisingly deep exploration of the place of letters our lives now, and in the recent past. I have a lot of respect for how much O'Shea puts herself out there in this book - she trots out letters from ex-lovers, almost boyfriends, old friends and even the apology letter she wrote to her boss when she was fired as an intern from The Oprah Magazine. It's ballsy, and turned what could have been an abstract impersonal topic into something intimate and engaging. I also have to admit that I had no idea how much I would relate to this book - I thought it would be interesting in a nothing to do with me kind of way. Little did I know that I have written pretty much every letter in that book (heavy on the letters to almost-boyfriends...eek!). To top it all off, I dropped O'Shea an email to let her know how much I enjoyed the book and her reply was gracious and humble. Highly recommended.

The Lost Slayer is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer book. I imagine half of you stopped reading after that sentence. Oh well. This is actually an omnibus (God I love that word) of four books written by Christopher Golden which follow the same character arc. It's a meaty read, and I suspect it is vastly improved by compiling all four books together. The basic premise is this: Buffy makes a mistake that sees her propelled 5 years into the future into the body of 24 year old Buffy who has spent the past 5 years locked in a holding cell while the King of the Vampires takes over Sunnydale and LA (almost). When Buffy breaks out, everything has changed - Willow is heading up the military-esque organisation that is trying to stop the vampires from taking over LA, Buffy's Mom is dead, and so is Anya (killed by Spike), Oz is still around but he and Willow aren't what they once were and Xander. Poor Xander. He is bitter and scarred and doesn't smile anymore. Oh, and the King of the Vampires is...GILES! I almost dropped the book when that was revealed, but vampire Giles makes a great villain. I'm a little over half way through and I have to say I'm really enjoying my visit to the Buffyverse. I used to read all of the Buffy books (give me a break...I was 20-something. I'm almost 32 now, so obviously I can appreciate the books on more levels and with deeper wisdom and great insight etc. etc.) and Christopher Golden was the best Buffy writer - he really had the dialogue rhythm down and understood the characters. Good times!

Finally, as I said, I am still making my way through the meandering path and zen rock raking that is Untangling My Chopsticks. This is a book that is not the sort of book that shouts "READ ME NOW!!!!" It doesn't shout anything. Every now and then it politely whispers "Here I am. You can read me if you like. If not I'll wait." It's an interesting book, it's just that the art of learning how to cook the food that accompanies the Japanese tea ceremony is not urgent reading. It does, however, make me want to visit my favourite Japanese restaurant.

Happy reading Sunday Salon-ers!

Sunday Scribblings: Wedding

2008-09-28T04:36:00.000-07:00

I hate this prompt.

I'm going to hate wading through other people's posts about the day they married their husband/wife. All very romantic stories, I'm sure. I'm not against marriage. It's just the older I get the more complicated the whole thing seems. I don't know if I could ever hand someone my heart on a platter. And I don't know what I would do if they served me theirs on a platter.

I went out to dinner a few months back and a woman I didn't know very well told me that she met a guy, they had two, like, awesome months together and then he left for a trip to Europe. There were many tears and promises (most of them hers I am guessing) and now she had just quit her job and was going to fly to Europe to holiday with him for a while before they both came back to start their lives together. Part of this hideously romantic tale was the line "Two weeks after I met him he said I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and he could see himself with me forever."

At this point I was ready to leave the table if she continued with "He said he could see his unborn children in my eyes". Luckily she stopped for a breath and I said "Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I'd run a mile if a guy said that to me." She looked visibly annoyed. I guess I was supposed to gush and giggle and look wistful as I told her she was the luckiest woman in the world and I was so envious.

Sorry, no. I'm not against relationships, love and romance. I like all three, sometimes mixed together. But I'm not willing to mortgage myself for something that isn't real, doesn't make sense and is based purely on emotion. Just because you love one another, doesn't mean it is going to work. Life leans much more towards the practical than the romantic and the various expensive weddings I've attended over the years have made me decidedly cynical about the whole thing. One in three couples who marry divorce. I think they should be made to give the wedding presents back, or offer a cash equivalent.

Friday Words of Wisdom

2008-09-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

The lesson I am learning lately is that there is no waiting for the perfect time to start anything. There will never be a perfect time to:

start a business,

have a baby,

quit your job,

go for the job you want,

go back to school,

call that person,

paint those empty canvasses,

leave your comfort zone,

learn to surf,

travel to India,

write your book,

follow your dream.

There will never be the perfect time for anything, so you may as well begin now imperfectly.

- Words of wisdom from the remarkable Stacy over at Bella Wish.

Because sometimes photographs say it better than words...

2008-09-25T07:22:00.001-07:00

Dark and damp and quiet

Because sometimes I just feel so darn insignificant

A friend in need can always be comforted by a Mollie paw

Believe

2008-09-25T00:53:00.001-07:00

I am no longer sure

if I

believe

(or you).

A post that isn't about books or writing...

2008-09-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since I have written a blog post about something other than the books I am reading or the writing exercises that I am doing. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, I found that linking my blog to my Facebook was making me hesitant to write my truth, my whole truth and nothing but my truth. I don't have that many friends on Facebook and I know almost all of them quite well, but I felt weird about people I haven't seen or talked to for 15 years reading my blog. Isn't that silly? I'm fine with strangers reading my blog, just not people who once knew me. The mind is a many splendid thing. In any case, I have deleted the connection between my Facebook and this blog and I feel better for it.

Secondly, I have been busy. I hate that excuse. Basically everyone is busy. You are not any busier than me, nor I any busier than you. What I mean is that I simply haven't made time to post.

Thirdly, I do not have much to say. I am not fond of rambling, incoherent blog postings that word vomit all over the reader and waste their time. I don't care about my bullshit all that much, so why would you? Melba at Just Be Connected discussed how people present themselves on blogs a little this week, and I too find that interesting. I could tell you nothing but positive things (in very short posts, true. I am not an overly positive person by nature and generally that doesn't bother me) but that doesn't seem real to me. It doesn't seem authentic.

I think that covers it. All my excuses laid out on the bullshit table and knocked down one by one. So now that I've cleared the decks, let's see what I can put out there, shall we?

Sunday Salon: Week 6

2008-09-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

This week I have been reading Garden Spells, Cerulean Sins (Anita Blake Vampire Hunter # 11) and Coraline.

I wrote about Garden Spells last week, and as I finished the last 100 pages or so the assessment I made was pretty right on - it was an enjoyable read, but fairly forgettable. I read some reviews and a lot of people likened Garden Spells to the movie Practical Magic. It had been a while since I saw the movie, so I could only remember some vague similarities. However it was on tv last night and I watched it again and yeah, pretty much the exact same storyline. But the books is still a fun, light and fluffy read. You could do a lot worse than to pick up Garden Spells.

Next up was Coraline, which I had never even heard of until I read about it on Bookgirl's Nightstand. She thought she was the last person to read it, but as I hadn't even heard of it, I think she's safe. I added it to my list of books to read and then noticed it on the shelf at the library. I checked it out and wow, I'm glad I did. It's a young adult book, but it is genuinely creepy and all that business about the imposter parents having buttons for eyes is very weird and is creeping me out even as I type this. It's a quick read, but a wonderful fairy tale with a dark underbelly. *insert shudder here*

When I sourced an image for this book I heard that there is a movie being made based on the book. The image above is an early poster promoting the movie. Um...don't take your kids until you've read the book!

Finally, I started and finished Cerulean Sins, the 11th book in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series. These books started out with a serious bang and to almost universal applause from critics and readers alike. Then around book 9, our heroine met with some...changes. From about book 10 onwards it has been nothing but hate from critics and readers alike. Amazon is populated with hundreds of 1 and 2 star ratings for books 11, 12, 13 and 14. Pretty much everyone turned on author Laurell K Hamilton and gutted her with a very long very sharp sword. Was this a great book? No, not great. But it was good, it was engaging and it kept me reading. Hamilton is gifted with a wonderful imagination and Anita is so very practical and real and solid. She's incredibly likeable, despite the fact that she kills monsters for a living and *gasp* sleeps with more than one man at a time. However, the finer points of plotting and story development are not really Hamilton's gifts. In the beginning books she was clearly heavily edited and the books were better for it. But like some other authors I can think of, as she became more popular and sold more books, her books got bigger and bigger and not necessarily better. Typos and grammatical errors (truly appalling ones, like the use of "isle" instead of "aisle" in a wedding setting) crept in and gave people who hated what Hamilton did to Anita Blake even more ammo to throw her way. And really, the publishers should be ashamed of themselves.

Anyway, the book itself was good. The plot was a bit thin, with a gaping hole in the middle resolved with a last minute tie up that was a bit too convenient. It was nice to see some development with Richard actually growing a pair and Asher finally getting back into Jean-Claude's (and Anita's) bed (at the same time! Shock! Horror!). Anita's character only moved forward marginally, but some of the scenes with her and Belle Morte/Musette were vintage Anita and really well done. Part of the reason I enjoyed this book so much was because it has been well over a year since I read Anita Blake number 10. I have discovered that a little Anita goes a long way. I have number 12 sitting on my bookshelf as we speak, but I'll be giving it at least a few months breathing room, maybe more.

Anyway, I'm one chapter into Untangling My Chopsticks: A Culinary Sojurn to Kyoto which is a travel and food memoir. So far so good. I visited Kyoto a few years back and I can visualise the underground mall where the author is having her first meal of eel in Japan. It is so nice to be able to relate to the setting a book. It adds layers of meaning that you don't even realise are missing.

Happy reading and happy Sunday!

Sunday Salon: Week Five

2008-09-07T04:40:00.000-07:00

This week I've been reading The Horse Whisperer, If I Am Missing or Dead, The Awakening and Garden Spells.

Let's start with The Horse Whisperer which is the first of the books I'm reading for the Lit Flicks Challenge.

I saw the movie some time ago and will probably see it again, as part of the Lit Flicks challenge is to read the book and see the movie. The book was certainly engaging, but it also had its rough spots. Nicolas Evans has the bones of a great book here - girl and horse experience a horrific accident, career woman in crisis, lone wolf horse whisperer on a ranch in scenic Montana, bland husband...a perfect recipe for affairs, accusations, love, healing and redemption. Something, however, gets a bit lost in the translation. Maybe if the book had been tighter, about 50 pages less it would have been a really good book. It's a bit bloated and I got a bit sick of career woman Annie and her boring husband Robert and some of the other very one dimensional characters. By far the most intriguing character is the horse whisperer Tom Booker, closely followed by the daughter Grace. Anyway, I have to say that I was surprised at the end which is radically different from the end of the movie. I'd recommend the book, but I wouldn't say it was amazing or anything.

I finished off The Awakening, which ended up being an okay little book. I remember reading on a fellow Sunday Salon-ers blog that they felt this book was better than the similar themed Twilight and I have to say that as I read I found myself wondering if Stephanie Meyer had read this book. I suppose books about teenage girls and older vampires are all going to look and feel the same. In any case, I wouldn't say The Awakening was better than Twilight. It is the first in a series of four, true, but I don't know if I can be bothered with the other three - certainly not any time soon.

I have been waiting for Janine Latus' If I Am Missing or Dead since April, and when I picked the request up at the library on Friday I noted for the first time a marker that informed me the book was in "heavy demand" and there would be no renewal. I've been borrowing books from the library for about 20 years and I've never seen one of those markers before. I guess I don't read a lot of popular books! This book actually has quite a misleading title. Janine Latus' sister was certainly killed by her boyfriend, but this is Janine's story about her abusive relationship with her husband and the echoes of abuse in her family home as she grew up. Her father is painted as a complete and total pig, sexualising his daughters, groping their friends and telling inappropriate stories. It is hard to know what is true in memoir, but if half of this book is true, I think Janine Latus has had a very tough and sad life. Again the book is bloated - the fact that her husband is a jerk but they have a great sexual relationship is mentioned oh, about 100 times. It is an interesting side of domestic violence and not one usually explored, but it was overdone here and in the last 100 pages or so I simply couldn't understand why she wouldn't leave him. Her only defence seems to be "I was scared to be alone" which didn't seem to hold water to me. I'd recommend the book, but from the reviews on Amazon it seemed a lot of people were misled and thought this would be a "true crime" (a genre of books I personally hate) about Latus' sister Amy. So as long as you know up front it is Janine's story it's a compelling, interesting and ultimately tragic tale of a family mired by domestic violence.

Garden Spells is a lovely little book about the Waverly family who have an unusual apple tree in the backyard and a legacy of being "magical" in their home town. he book centres of Claire, and her sister Sydney (and Sydney's daughter Bay) who has recently returned home after a lifetime of running away from what it means to have the magic Waverly touch. I love the descriptions of the lovely food Claire cooks from the magic garden and her almost-relationship with the boy next door is sweet. I've read some scathing reviews of this book, and I think they were a little harsh. I once described a book as being like cotton candy - sweet, fun and good while you're eating it, but basically unfulfilling - and I think Garden Spells is another one of those books. I'm not quite done with it yet.

Next up will be something from the shelf...maybe the next Anita Blake book or even the last Harry Potter!

Happy Sunday. :)

Sunday Salon: Week Four

2008-08-31T04:38:00.000-07:00

This week I've finished off Twilight and The Opposite House and started The Awakening (The Vampire Diaries I) Let's start with Twilight.

I mentioned last week that I bought Twilight well over a year ago when I was working at Borders in San Antonio. There were a lot of Dad's who came in to buy the latest sequel for their teenage daughters, which at that time was the third book Eclipse. I have a soft spot for Young Adult fiction and decided to give it a go. While I found the book quite readable and interesting I stopped at pretty much the most exciting part of the book and didn't pick it up again for a year. I started from the beginning and again, it's an enjoyable book but I can't say it is one of the best books I've ever read, or even one of the best Young Adult books I've ever read. I liked Bella a lot, but I agree with people who say that it was frightening to watch her become obsessed with Edward and lose sight of everything else in her life except for him. Is that the message I want to be giving to young readers, especially girls? Er...no. I found the brooding Edward to be a bit annoying too. That said, I'll probably give the second book a read but not for a while and I won't be buying it. I'm sure the library is chock full of copies. I might also watch the movie when it comes out, mostly out of curiosity to see how the book to movie transition goes which let's face it, is usually a train wreck at the best of times and Twilight ain't the best of times.

I'm faintly surprised that I managed to finish The Opposite House. A strange little book that I came by via the Writers on Writing podcast (if you're reading this, you're very welcome for the link to the podcast Terri!) and I was impressed by the author's poetic turn of phrase and her youth (she's about 24 I think). I don't know quite how to explain or describe this book. It's an experience, not a journey. It doesn't always make sense, and in fact usually doesn't. I'm not sure it is supposed to. It starts somewhere, then goes nowhere but in a peaceful way. It's overblown, but incredibly subdued and small. It's a study in contrasts, I guess. I stated last week that I wasn't sure if it was incredibly brilliant and not able to be understood by the mortal mind, or if it was utter crap and we just think it is brilliant because we don't understand it. What is certain is that Helen Oyeyemi has a poets mind and some of her phrases are amazing enough to make me want to weep at her gift. This is "high literature" at a peak and I don't think I'd rush to read anything by Oyeyemi again, however this one will live on in my mind for quite a while methinks.

I read about The Awakening in someone's Sunday Salon post...I wish I could remember who it was! I think the discussion was about Twilight, which peaked my interest as I was reading it at the time and the blogger recommended this series over Twilight. I'm about half way through and it isn't shaping up to be a bad little book. The cover you see above is not the cover on my book - mine is a very early-90's horror cover where they have tried to do something clever with a crow and a vampire, but it just comes off looking cheesy. The book cover above reminds me a great deal of the Twilight movie promotional posters, which is probably the point. Perhaps these books will experience a comeback. There are certainly worse books out there - our heroine Elena (the Queen of her high school, orphan and all round supremely beautiful being) has the hots for the new boy in town Stefan who is (dum, dum, dum , DA!) a vamp with a mean brother. We seem to be building to something, and this is the first in a four book series so its on slow boil at the moment. I just wish there were more teen books about regular teenagers. Not the really popular ones or the really outsider ones. It gets a bit old after a while. Anyway, we'll see how it goes.

The Litflicks Challenge starts tomorrow so the next book I pick up will be one of those - maybe The Horse Whisperer.

Happy Sunday!

Venice, Italy

2008-08-26T01:07:00.000-07:00

Venice

Venice was my favourite place.

It seems like madness to build so much on a tiny scrap of land, but the Venetians were fearless in a way modern architects can never be

The rooftops of Venice

The canals of Venice

I feel like I lived here in another life, jumping from bridge to bridge and leaping from roof to roof.

Lots of people, pigeons everywhere, phone to call internationally at the top of the tower, gondola rides, doors that opened into the canals from houses that were built hundred of years ago, the courage it must have taken to build these buildings on a network of tiny muddy islands, the huge cruise ship, gelato, the book binding man, the North Africans and their rip off bags that look great, but you can get busted 2000 Euros if the police catch you buying one, cold drinks, too much heat, gondoliers balancing and shouting to one another, the Merano glass and the glass blower who wore extremely tight clothing and blew glass, handling it like a well practiced lover, my beautiful azure glass heart, a boat ride through the S canal, imagining what it must be like to see Venice underwater, imagining what two big gates to block out the sea would look like, pondering the thought of Venice becoming a dead city with the only industry being tourism, plotting and planning my return in the winter to ghost through the streets reliving something and imagining I might stealth over Venetian rooftops once more...

V-A-I-N

2008-08-25T06:28:00.001-07:00

Well you had me several years ago
When I was still quite naive
When you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee

You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you.

- Carly Simon

Sunday Salon: Week Three

2008-08-24T03:13:00.000-07:00

Featuring:

The Golden Compass
Book Lover
Twilight
Like, Mad
Novelist's Boot Camp
The Opposite House

I started this week by finishing off Book Lover on Monday. It turned out to be an oddly compelling sort of book. Even though indications weren’t good last week, the book was very easy to read and clearly I found something interesting in it, even if I’m not exactly sure what. The title of book refers to the main character’s habit of retreating to her bathtub and her books for days on end on a “book binge” when times get tough. I think the book is supposed to be about her evolution as a person and how she learns to deal with life instead of retreating into books, but I think the storyline is lost somewhere and the end judgment seems to be that reading too many books is bad, and dating a man who works in a bookshop and is writing a crappy play is also bad, because he isn’t the “real deal” and your cheating, workaholic, sometimes shallow ex-husband is. I certainly wouldn’t rush out to read other books by both or either of the authors of Book Lover and I’ll be selling my copy ASAP.

As promised last Sunday I finished off His Dark Materials aka Northern Nights aka The Golden Compass. I can’t remember why I stopped reading about 20 pages from the end in January, but I did. Obviously the ending had little impact as the rest of book had blurred a bit in my mind. In any case, I really did enjoy the book. I bought it after seeing the movie and after hearing from a number of people how good the books are. Unlike some people out there I enjoyed the portrayal of the church as a manipulative controlling monster. Philip Pullman has written a book about a child, but I don’t think it was written for children. His writing has a glorious timelessness about it, and I feel that this book could have been written 70 years ago instead of just 12. The concepts and relationships in the book (especially those of Lord Asriel and Mrs Coulter and Iorek and his bears) are complicated and very adult. I think children could certainly enjoy the book, but the complexity of storytelling is subtle and the nuances compelling, seeming to exist for understanding by the adult mind. Very interesting and highly recommended. I also love one of the titles – His Dark Materials. It give me goosebumps! As I have the three book omnibus, I plan to move onto The Subtle Knife in the next few weeks.

Most of this week has seen me reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I bought this book in February of 07 when I was working at Borders in San Antonio. I read about three quarters of it and for some reason stopped (this is clearly a theme with me…I wonder why?). So I’ve picked it up again and I’m starting from the beginning. It is extremely readable and the character of Bella is easy to relate to, even to a 31 year old woman like me. As I type this I am remembering that I found the angst of Bella and Edward’s relationship a bit annoying, so perhaps that is why I stopped reading. However I will persevere this time. At the writing retreat I attended in Scotland last month a 14 year old listed Stephanie Meyer as the author whose work had changed the way she sees the world, so there can be no doubting of Meyer's place in the heart of teenagers as a powerful and memorable author. Unless you've been under a rock you'll also know that Twilight the movie is due to be released in December 08.

I also picked up a funny book this week – Like, Mad – which was one of my Dad’s books. My dad died 4 years ago, so I smile to think of him as a 15 year old paying the cover price (35 cents) in 1960 at the local shop. I’ve taken a photo of the book below.

It hasn’t coped well with age (how would you feel if you were a 48 year old paperback?) and the pages are very yellowed and literally falling out of the book. There are also about 50 pages missing from the middle of the book, no idea where they went. I’m about half way through and it is a lot like reading today’s Mad Magazine, except sometimes I miss the pop culture jokes because they're 50 years old. One segment was on the invention of the “video phone” and how spouses could lie to one another about where they were and what they were doing. It’s a fun read.

I borrowed Novelist’s Boot Camp by Todd A Stone from the library this week. I’ve read a bit, but so far I’m not too impressed. Stone is a former military dude who believes that I need to “take command of my novel” and “plan and execute a writing strategy that’s in sync with my ultimate mission objective: getting published”. I’m not a huge fan of the military or military discipline, but I picked up this book at Borders a few weeks back and thought it might have a few good ideas so I put through a request for it at the library. I’ll keep reading for now, but I’m not sure I can be bullied into writing a novel. Seems like the wrong approach entirely to me. Then again, Todd Stone is published and I’m not, so we’ll see I guess.

Another book I want to mention is one I’m half way through and that is The Opposite House by Helen Oyememi. I found out about this book after listening to the author being interviewed on the Writers on Writing podcast. According to the book jacket, The Opposite House “is about the disquiet that follows us across places and languages, a feeling passed down from mother and father to son and daughter.” This doesn’t really do the book justice though. It is literally prose in the form of poetry. Oyememi is a poet and the way she constructs her sentences makes me want to weep at their beauty. She tells her story in images which are then written as words which are then conveyed with a mysterious sort of disconnectedness. I can imagine people gushing about this book because it seems to be smarter than we are – it exists on a higher plane of consciousness and the reader only gets glimpses as to what it really is. On the down side, it is difficult to read, requires total concentration and is best served in small portions. Sometimes we think something must be genius if we don’t understand it, but sometimes it is just not good writing. I am not sure which description fits Oyememi and this book just yet, but I will keep reading to find out.

And that’s me for this Sunday. Yay!

Sunday Scribblings: How I Met My Question Mark

2008-08-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

I can imagine some of the responses to this prompt. People will write about the day they met their soul mate, or the day they met their baby. Heart rendering stuff, but also vomit inducing. There is only so many times you can hear “There is no love like the love you have for your child” or “When I met him, two became one”.

Yes siree, pass the bucket.

I’m a weird combination of a romantic soul and a practical person. I read Mills and Boons romances five in a row and then abruptly I decide it is all bullshit and I throw the paperback against the wall and deem the books stupid and misleading. Imagine if love really was like a romance novel? If you weren’t a slim 20 something virgin whose parents are usually dead or generally defective and you haven’t just met a stunningly handsome yet wounded billionaire, you’re out of luck. Sorry, sister. Love is not for the overweight, the self fulfilled or the poor. And then there’s the virgin thing… Of course romance novels have come a long way and not all of the female characters are virgins these days. But there are enough of them to illustrate a sort of trend.

In any case, what I’m driving at here is the fact that all of these soul mate and baby stories don’t seem entirely honest. I am thinking of one blog in particular that I read in the same way I read romance novels. Sometimes I melt a bit and think the heroine (ie. the writer of the blog) leads the perfect life with the perfect husband blah blah blah and the rest of the time I want to smack her across her beautiful face for being so self absorbed and lucky. Here is a woman who does a creative job working from an impossibly cute studio in her house where I’m sure she doesn’t have to worry about bringing in much money as her very handsome and perfect husband worries about that side of things. She swans around, typing out deep thoughts and obsessing over her life choices. Everything she writes about is virtuous. Even her flaws somehow come out as positives. I imagine her life to be wrapped in cotton wool. A protected, sterile existence where she is centre stage and the world worships at her carefully painted toes. She just doesn’t seem real to me. Doesn’t she ever wake up angry with the world? Does she never hold that anger instead of turning it into an entry in her blog whereby she worked through it, there was a sign from nature or the universe and her husband gave her a big hug and it was all okay again?

In short…is she really that perfect? A part of me is very envious. I’d love to have a husband to go out and make the “real money” while I fluffed around at home (this couple do not have children, so she really is fluffing around at home) writing little things and thinking deep thoughts and thanking all the people who make comments on my blog for giving me support and love and do they know how much they mean to me?

And we’re back to vomiting and obviously, I don't really want her life.

Perhaps it is just me, and whoever is reading this is thinking what a horrible bitch I am. I’m not. I’m a caring person, for the most part. I’m also scrupulously honest with myself and most of the time with other people. I don’t ignore the seedy underbelly of life. I like it, finding it infinitely more interesting than the warm fuzzies of life. I insist on making that underbelly a part of my “real” life. I’m not an angel. I don’t have wings and I don’t always see the best in everyone and everything. I get annoyed, envious and irritated. I lack patience sometimes. I’m a flawed creature. But at least I’m real. I’ll always give an honest and true answer. I won’t dress it up in its Sunday best and parade it before you with sweet words and patient insight that I think I’m supposed to feel as I show you how much I’ve learned and how much of a better place I’m in. I’ll get angry, I’ll beat it up and then I’ll reach a kind of war torn peace which I’ll share in the way survivors do.

I’m not afraid of the dark, or the wolves at the door, or the question marks in life. I think this is a good thing.

Sunday Salon: Week 2

2008-08-17T03:38:00.000-07:00

I'm really enjoying being a part of Sunday Salon. I'm finding it is helping me make more time for my reading and that makes me oh-so-happy! It has been a wonderful Sunday. Despite the fact that we are still technically in winter, the skies were an achingly light blue today with nary a fluffy cloud in sight. The sun was very warm and I've been wandering around without a sweater for the first time in ages. I only wish Sunday did not precede Monday. Blah.

And now to the reading!

This week I finished up Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

It was a good read, and so much better than its immediate predecessor. Of course the "shock" ending has lost its impact as it is several years since the book was published and I knew what was coming anyway, just as I know what is coming with the final Harry Potter book. Two thumbs up though - it was a very enjoyable tale. I think Ron gets most of the best lines. Case in point:

Hermione: I heard Dumbledore say that it is easier to forgive people when they are wrong than it is when they are right.
Ron: Sounds like the sort of mental thing Dumbledore would say.

That seriously made me laugh for ages. And also this gem from Harry:

Hermione: It's alright for you, the Death Eaters would have you as a member. You're not a 'mudblood'!
Harry: Oh yes, I'm sure we'd get along really well if they could stop trying to do me in all the time.

I paraphrased a little, but you get the point. I love it when books make me laugh out loud.

After Harry Potter I gave some thought to moving onto Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and even cracked it open, but I was right in my assessment last week - I need a little breathing room between installments of Harry Potter.

While I was on my holiday I picked up an omnibus of the first two books in Meg 'The Princess Diaries" Cabot's Heather Wells series - Size 12 Is Not Fat and Size 14 Is Not Fat Either.

I bought the omnibus (such a weird word that...makes me think of a really big bus) for $5.00 at a book sale figuring it would be good light and fluffy reading for the plane and it was! I'm not a big fan of "chick lit" and technically these books don't fall into that genre, but they are certainly light and fluffy, with a mystery twist. Heather Wells is an ex-pop star (think a flash in the pan teen pop tart who sang in shopping malls a lot) whose label and boyfriend dropped her when she said she wanted to sing her own songs and her Mom ran off to Argentina with all her money. Heather is endearing, and I really enjoyed reading about a girl who battles weight issues and isn't afraid to order double whipped cream on her coffee. I also admit that I stayed with the books mainly because of Heather's sexy yet distant room mate Cooper. Anyway, I had to leave the omnibus in Scotland as a donation to the library at the Cathedral of the Isles as it was just too heavy to bring home. When I got back I checked into whether or not there were any other Heather Wells books and found "Size Doesn't Matter" (aka "Big Boned" in the USA. I have never understood why publishers change titles from country to country. Did you know that the book entitled "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" in the USA is actually titled "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" in the UK and Australia? Why?).

Anyway, I finished up "Size Doesn't Matter" this morning. It was probably the weakest of the three books and the ending was sort of bizarre. Without giving too much away, I would have settled for a kiss between Cooper and Heather, instead of the whole enchilada. I half expected to read "And then Heather woke up" it was all so picture perfect and out of place. Anyway, I read on Meg Cabot's official site there will be 2 more Heather Wells books next year so we'll see what happens. I don't know that I'd rush out and buy them in hardcover, but I'd definitely pick them up at the library.

Today I moved onto Book Lover by Jennifer Kaufman and Karen Mack.

The review on the website of publisher Harper Collins Australia reads like this:

'Women do different things when they're depressed. Some smoke, others drink, some call their therapists, some eat ... And I do what I have always done – go off on a book bender that can last for days.'

Whenever she's in crisis – her marriage ends, her career stalls, her fantasy man shows signs of human frailty – Dora (named after Eudora Welty) escapes into not one, not two, but a carefully selected stack of books, shutting the door on the outside world until she emerges from her book binge strong enough to face her problems. Books have always been her saving grace, sheltering her during a difficult childhood and arming her with lessons and epigrams that are right for nearly every situation. But life is more complicated than a–book–a–day, and people – like her ex–alcoholic mother and judgmental sister – aren't as compliant as beloved characters in a novel ...

Whether she's being seduced by a quotation–quipping Quixote, or explaining death to a child by reading from 'Charlotte's Web', Dora is Every–reader, and her charming story, shot through with humour and humanity, will delight anyone who's ever sought solace in the pages of a book.

I'm about 50 pages in and I have my doubts. I actually saw this book on the shelves at Borders last weekend and made a note to request it at the library. I requested it earlier this week and it came in super fast. I picked it up yesterday and then had a weird feeling that I actually owned the book. I double checked my shelves and there it was. Weirdly, I am reading the library copy instead of my own (what's up with that?) but as I said, I remain unconvinced that this is going to be a great book. So far the main character seems whiny and annoyingly self indulgent. Nothing much has really happened so far (the main character went to a bookstore, parked outside her old mansion where her ex-husband lives and had her sister come over to her condo) and I'm just not convinced its going to be a great read. Maybe it is because it is a product of two authors - how does that work? Does one do the grunt work and the other the polishing? Do they each write a chapter? Anyway, I was definitely drawn to this book as I love books and could easily retreat from the world and stay in a book induced coma for days... We'll see how it goes.

I'm also keen to finish His Dark Materials (aka The Golden Compass) as I have the 3 book omnibus (I swear I have only bought about 3 omnibuses in my life and I happen to be talking about 2 of them in this post...) and want to move onto the second book. Maybe I'll get to it this week, if not then next weekend for sure.

The final word goes to my golden retriever Hopie, who seems to have inherited my love of books!

The Hoper, contemplating the book 'Foods that Harm, Foods that Heal"

Happy reading!

Sunday Scribblings: Observation

2008-08-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

This is the perfect prompt for me this week as I have been sifting through my holiday memories and making random observations about the places I visited. This post is about one of my favourite places in Europe - Lucerne, Switzerland.

Lucerne

The view at the top of Mt Stanserhorn in Switzerland

Lake Lucerne

Lucerne as seen from the lake

A lovely white swan going about its business on the lake

This post is a little different. I wrote things on Lake Lucerne - not snippets, not stream of consciousness, not tiny glimpses of memories. I wrote fully formed sentences, crafted paragraphs of sights and sounds and feelings... Here are some of my favourites:

The water of the lake is so achingly clear that I can see the rocks on the bottom. It is like looking through fluid glass. I hear a car revving, people talking Swiss-German as they walk past my kelly green bench. I hear the splash of someone diving into the lake. I see perfectly white Swans gliding across the glassy surface like they have swum out of a storybook and into the scene before my eyes. I hear rope clanging softly against the metal masts of the yachts bobbing gently before me. My raspberry painted toenails rest on my shoes which rest on grey gravel that crunches as people walk by.

I breathe in peace and breathe out worry and tension. It is like the top of my head has been lifted up and a stream of ideas and concepts and consciousness has flowed in. A key in a lock, the completion of something I didn't know was undone.

There are white fluffy swan feathers on the surface of the lake, floating like nothing will ever weigh them down and they will simply float on this lake as it ebbs and flows until the end of days.

Sunday Salon - First Week

2008-08-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to be a part of The Sunday Salon. I stumbled across the Salon when looking for a writing group and it looks to be a lot of fun. You can find out more about it by clicking the link (go on...give a little linky love), but now is the part where I get to talk about the books I read today.

I started the day with a little Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. There's pretty much nothing I can say about this book that hasn't already been said, re said and turned into a movie and accompanying McHappy Meal toy. This is my first read through of the 6th Harry Potter book. I stalled on reading it for a long time as I really didn't care for Book 5. I felt like Harry was irritating and angry the entire book and it wasn't a great reading experience. However, I'm enjoying book 6 although the whole 'Hermione loves Ron' thing is really being done to death. I started the book on Monday and I'm about 400 pages in. I think I'll take a little break between book 6 and book 7 though.

I took myself off on a book looking expedition today. It started with the Save The Children book sale. I think the books had been very thoroughly picked over - today is Sunday, the last day of the sale, and opening night was Thursday. However, all the books were hald price today, so that was something. I picked up four books for $4.50 (I really wouldn't have minded paying full price!) and those books are:

Gladiator by Dewey Gram
The Horse Whisperer by Nicholas Evans
Language Most Foul by Ruth Wajnryb
The Unburied by Charles Palliser

Gladiator is obviously a book adaptation of the film. I enjoyed the movie and I have a certain fondness for book adaptations of films, particularly where I really enjoyed the film. I find the book then lends a different interpretation on the whole thing. No longer do I have to reply on the actors ability to emote in order to work out characters.

The Horse Whisperer is a book I have heard much about, and again, I enjoyed the movie when I saw it which must be five or six years ago now.

Language Most Foul is a book about foul language and its origins. Language fascinates me (but I'm not one of those crazy linguist types who know the root source of all words and can't wait to tell you about it) and so does swearing, so I'm a winner all around here.

The Unburied just sounded interesting - it's apparently a murder mystery in a sleepy town. We'll see I guess. It isn't the sort of book that would usually attract me. But for 50 cents...

Then my book day progressed with a lunch where I read Page after Page: Discover the confidence and passion you need to start writing and keep writing no matter what! by Heather Sellers. I bought this book on Charing Cross Road in London when I was there recently. I knew I shouldn't - I could order the book from Amazon for half what I paid in pounds but I really wanted it. Really really. So I bought it and I'm not sorry. The more I read of it, the more I love it and want to give Heather Sellers a really big hug. Over lunch I read her take on people who are always saying "I'm so busy! I'm so stressed! I have so much to do!" I work with people like this. They drive me crazy. I worked out a while back and everyone is busy. It's ridiculous to tell people that you're busy. We know you are, because we are too. A Heather says - we all get 24 hours in a day, how are you going to use yours? She also wrote a whole bunch about treating writing like a lover instead of a mistress (or whatever the word is for women who have another dude on the side) and giving it attention and love and dreaming about it. Anyway, I love this book. I am reading it in small doses, digesting and completing exercises.
Finally, I bought something that is possibly a bit silly. It is called The Writer's Toolkit and I bought it at Borders when I dropped in for coffee and book browsing (I have about 15 new books to add to my 'I want to read list'). It includes all this cute stuff for stimulating writing and stories and just generally improving my writing skills. A little silly maybe, but it looks like fun and really, I can always do with more fun.

I'll be back next Sunday with another Sunday Salon post. I'm thinking I'll explore a different bookstore and see how I go. Maybe I'll even get some of my own writing done!

Sunday Scribblings: Ask

2008-08-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

I want to know why I'm different.

Oh, I look normal enough. That's me in the picture above. I'm passably pretty, I'm fairly amusing and I'm finally comfortable with admitting that I'm really smart. It only took three university degrees and about a year of therapy for me to be able to own that. My name is Maree, and I'm highly intelligent. Still, even now I expect someone to say 'No you're not'. I wonder what I'd do if they did.

You know Robert Frost? I read his poem in highschool 'The Road Not Taken'. Of course you know the one - 'I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference'. I took that road too. I remember choosing it quite clearly and distinctly. I was excited about it. I didn't want to be like everyone else. But I've been on the road less traveled for a while now, and sometimes it kinda sucks.

Most of the people I know who are my age are married, with children or planning children, they have a mortgage, a couple of cars and take holidays down south. They have dinner parties and enjoy drinking too much alcohol. They have "good jobs" with benefits. I, on the other hand, am a bit of a rogue. After finishing highschool, I studied at university for eight solid years, interrupted in the middle with a 6 month working holiday overseas. When I got back I took jobs I was completely overqualified for. For Christ's sake, I worked as a typist and a secretary when I had 6 letters after my name. I wonder what I was thinking? Self esteem issues clearly. I took off on more working holidays overseas, all by myself. This last part is especially hard for people to grasp and makes me much more of a daredevil in other people's eyes than if I had gone with a friend. I've had one relationship my entire adult life and I wouldn't exactly point to that and say "healthy". No inclination to marry. The very thought of marrying someone, getting a mortgage and doing that whole thing makes me break out in hives. I'm holding out for something epic.

I sometimes feel very misunderstood. All those other people on the other path, the more well traveled one, they have something I don't. It's something that shouldn't matter to me and I'm pissed that it does - other people's approval. No one questions the road that is more traveled. No one says "Why the fuck do you want to get married and have children?" but plenty of people stick their suburban noses into my life with questions like "Why would you want to be a writer? There's no money in that" or "Why would you quit a good government job because you don't find it fulfilling?" or "Don't you want to get married?" or "When are you going to buy a new car?" Okay, my car is almost 20 years old, but it runs fine and really, cars are not important to me.

I like my path. I like that there are less people on this path, that there is wildness here, danger looming, passion and excitement and possibility behind every blind corner. Sometimes I just get lonely being different, that's all.

Rome, Italy

2008-08-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

Rome

The Coliseum

The Vatican Entrance
The Pantheon

graffiti, ancient, awe inspiring, all roads lead to Rome, Julius Ceasar, posterboards with thick sheafs of paper built up over time as new posters have just been put on top of the old ones layer 'pon layer 'pon layer, hot, gelato, amazing Margherita pizza, fountains of fresh water, crumbling ruins, Popes, magestic buildings, gladiators, kissing Italians, roses, cheesy souvenirs, 3 coins in the Trevi Fountain, pushy modern day gladiators getting 5 Euros for posing with tourists - what a strange way to make a living, beggars and gypsies thrusting their twisted limbs and other maladies in my face so sure this gives them the right to money from strangers (maybe it does?), fields of sunflowers, Etruscan villages rising from stone plateaus, beauty within, dead popes, the beauty of the Sistine Chapel, Vatican stamps, olive trees, Under the Tuscan Sun, pasta.

Cologne, Germany

2008-08-06T04:08:00.000-07:00

Cologne

The Cathedral in Cologne

The golden box where the bones of the three magi are said to rest

Arch upon arch upon arch...

Kolin, soot covered church, awesome sandwich with sundried tomatoes and creamed cheese, wasps in the pastry cabinet attracted to the sweetness of the cakes, the most amazing bathroom I have ever seen in my life, the fact that the bones of the three 'magi' (wise men) rest in the church, the fact that the 3 Wise Men were considered to be real people with bones, the couple dressed like extras from a Vin Diesel eastern European movie, the 11,000 (or just 11) virgins who were sacrificed in Cologne to Atilla the Hun.

Amsterdam, The Netherlands

2008-08-06T03:55:00.000-07:00

This is the first in a series of posts about my travels around Europe. Each post will focus on one city I visited and will include my favourite photographs from that place and some free association words.

This one is for Amsterdam.

The canals of Amsterdam

Where I come from, there are no buildings marked as being constructed in 1665.

Why is it that life on a houseboat seems so romantic to me?

people, bicycles everywhere, bells ringing, canals, sex workers in windows beckoning men, tall skinny buildings, houseboats like Duncan MacLeod's, fries with yummy mayonnaise in twisted paper cones, wooden clogs, busker with a dog, boat ride, big ferry, decorated gables, an area so expensive only banks can own buildings there, steep stair cases, thinking of my life on a houseboat, feeling alone, wooden doors on buildings, weird fashions, cold.

Walking with the Look-a-like Pups

2008-06-30T04:40:00.001-07:00

These are my patient puppies, awaiting the word that will allow them to fly down the hall to the front door for our walk.

I find it interesting that they look almost identical in photos when in actual fact, they are quite different. Hopie (on the left) is slightly smaller in body size, her fur is smoother, her paws are delicate, her ears are smaller and she has the "feathering" of fur common to pure bred Golden Retrievers . Mollie is my pound hound, most likely a cross between a Golden Retriever and a Wolfhound. She has wiry fur that is slightly whiter in colour than Hopie. Her feet are MASSIVE, she is tall enough that her nose can (and does) sniff the kitchen bench. Mollie is also about 2 years younger than Hopie and prone to silliness and general pesty-ness. Hopie is prone to naps and getting her own way. I love them both more than you can possibly imagine. They bring me great joy.

Soon after this shot was snapped this afternoon we were off out the door on our walk. I have been walking for almost three months now. Combined with a lot of diet modifications, my walking has seen me lose 14kg (just over 30 pounds). It's exciting and I feel so much better for it.

Only one week until my Great European Adventure. Hooray!

Sunday Scribblings: Happy Endings

2008-06-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

The kanji for happiness

We're raised on happy endings.

"And they all lived happily ever after."

I remember fairy tales and Disney movies where the princess met the prince and then lived happily ever after. My feminist self bristles at the unstated message in those stories, but another part of me melts slightly, believes and wishes that were so, and such a happy ending is out there, somewhere, waiting for me.

But what happens after the happily ever after? The next morning, the next week, the next month, 5 years from now when Tommy is diagnosed with ADHD and little Lucy is a stubborn 8 year old turning 15? After the relentless grind of every day life has battered that happy ending until it is weathered, faded and barely recognisable?

Ah, you see now, don't you? I am far too practical for happy endings. Far too much of a realist, with a toe dipped in the pond of pessimism, just as my fingers trail through the river of optimism.

I don't believe it. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. It isn't something attained before the end. It isn't even an end in and of itself. It is moments - wildly exhilarating, heart thumping descents into dizziness and dangerous depths; peaceful moments snatched between particularly good dreams in which I change the unchangeable and unwind the tangled strings of my destiny; warm furry hugs from two large white dogs who love me more than anything and give me everything they have, no holding back; breathing the air of an unfamiliar place and feeling at home amid strange places with cobbled roadways, brightly coloured cloth and faces wreathed in wrinkles with bright button eyes that have lived and known.

I refuse to wait for the end before finding my happiness. I am happy. Not every moment of every day, but I am happy.

Sunday Scribblings: Night

2008-06-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again.

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I have a fantasy of running across rooftops in the dead of night.

I will jump from one to the other, lithe and light footed, illuminated only by the frosty glow of the moon.

I will be stealth and shadow. I will crouch on the tiles and flatten myself against the shingles, lest I be discovered.

If I am discovered I will simply stare at my intruder. For it will be him intruding on my world, my rooftops, my freedom.

I wonder if my flight across the rooftops of the world in the dead of night will see me running to something, or someone, or from something, or someone. Perhaps it will be both. A flight of fancy across the rooftops of the world, the past at my back, the present inside of me and the future in front of me.

I will be surefooted. If I trip or stumble, in the space of a human heart beat grace will catch me, set me on my feet and watch as I continue my flight.

My so called life...

2008-05-22T23:57:00.001-07:00

I have been reading a lot. I finished The Anti 9 - 5 Guide, Myrren's Gift and Creative Journal Writing. I'm currently reading The Velveteen Principles for Women and Storm Season. Money Magic was going really well until I fell in the river last weekend and had to spend the week franatically searching the internet for book drying techniques and using said techniques to dry out the book! It is almost dry now, so back to that one this weekend...

I want Story Beads. I love these and they will be mine. Oh yes, they will be mine.

I have been watching Hell's Kitchen. I'm in love with Gordon Ramsay.

I have been planning my trip to the Writing and Yoga Retreat in Scotland.

I have been playing the highly addictive Burger Shop.

Sunday Scribblings: Telephone

2008-05-11T05:59:00.000-07:00

I remember the telephone. It was black and cordless. It was a big deal when we first got that phone. We'd had a regular phone, the one with the old-fashioned rotating dial for a long time. It finally died and we finally got a more modern one. It was still big and clunky though - this was the time before cell phones the size of a small tv remote.

On the night he died, I took that phone into the backyard, where the stars shone brightly in a crisp sky and called my Uncle.

"Can you come? Dad isn't doing very well"

I was trying not to cry. Tears would come later. He died before my Uncle got there. He died while we stood there, me clutching that damn phone. He just stopped breathing. Gone. For some reason I thought there would be an epic struggle. He would fight for life, and death would indulge him, knowing who the victor would be. But he didn't struggle. The struggle had taken place for months. Months of doctors, of radiation treatment, of hair loss, of carers traipsing in and out of our home, of a gradual weakening of body and spirit.

Who could blame him? I remember after he took his last breath. I remember starting to cry, really cry. Then she looked at me, looking into me and I knew I had to stop. I had to curb my grief so she could grieve. I sometimes think I am still curbing my grief so she can grieve. She didn't ask me to do this, or expect me to do it. Somehow I decided her loss was greater than mine. I still believe that, four years on.

Sometimes the sheer magnitude of my loss overwhelms me and I am convinced it is a loss I will never truly recover from. He died that night, but so did a part of me. I was altered forever. That girl, clutching that phone, watching her father die no longer exists. You see, when you know - really know - that death eventually claims all, you look at life differently. It has darker undertones. You become more comfortable with the notion of death. You don't look away, you don't 'not think about it'. I have met death and I am not frightened. Another side effect of an unimaginable loss - you know that you can live through anything, even the unlivable.

We no longer have that cordless phone.